“Reunited and it feels so … Bad?”

Tis the season! No, not Christmas… the other season – the summertime – when people from all over the country (and even the world) travel far distances to get together for weddings, parties, and reunions of many kinds. “Pop the cork and grill the ribs – look who’s back in town!”

For some, seeing people from their pasts is an exciting prospect. They get to see family and old friends that perhaps they haven’t seen in a year, or five, or more! But for others, it is a nerve racking, hair-raising time because, well, because they are going to see family and old friends that perhaps they haven’t seen in a year, or five, or more!

See the dilemma?

Unfortunately, I see the dilemma, and I understand it all too well. It’s a nice thought to gather for reunions; but if you’ve weathered some of life’s storms, whether emotional or physical, or if your looks have changed a great deal (gained or lost too much weight), you fear that you’ll become the topic of conversations that you’d really rather not be the topic of. See what I mean?

I remember how hard it was for me, after having a baby born with a limb difference, trying to explain the story time after time, to people who were not yet familiar with what happened. And I remember when someone dear to me was going through a divorce. Seeing people he hadn’t seen in a long time, fielding questions like, “Where’s your wife?” It was pretty hard for him. Why, sometimes situations like these can make a person want to eat more than they should, drink more than they ought, or even feel sick to the point of not wanting to reunite with people at all!

I wonder how many times I’ve heard someone say, “We’re invited to a wedding! How much weight do you think I can I lose in six weeks???” I mean seriously, why should someone who’s recently had a baby (or even had a baby twenty-five years ago) worry about seeing people from their past? Pregnancy is a crazy experience, and affects us all in different ways, doesn’t it? It’s one of life’s biggest “WOW!’s” Right? It changes us – inside and out! Instead of feeling ashamed, shouldn’t we feel proud?

Not to mention that some have endured bad accidents, gone thru cancer or cancer scares, the diagnosis of Diabetes or MS, fought hard for life in some way… Why should they even be concerned about appearance, much less weight? Isn’t the “getting together” the main thing, the “seeing each other again” the whole point?

I’m sure there are many different ways to view this topic. It’s not that I don’t get it. I’m one of the people who received the wedding invite and began an immediate diet. Believe me. But at the same time, I’ve also very randomly bumped into an old friend that I haven’t seen in 30 years, and been thrilled to tears to see them again – and they seemed the same. So I ask, why all the fretting?

I propose this… If we all care enough to invite each other to weddings, and parties, and reunions, then let’s be kind to each other. Deal? We never know of the storms that people have weathered or the joys that they’ve experienced, until we’re privileged enough to discuss it with them. Let’s dust off our most sincere smiles, open our ears, and indulge in some good and meaningful conversations with the people we’ve traveled far and wide to reunite with.

What is it that Dr. Seuss tells us? “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Now there’s some reunion advice I can get on board with… Let’s change the title of this blog post back to its original intent, “Reunited and it feels so good.”

Tis the party season, so go have some fun out there!  

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference.” For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com