Living Real Life - Through the Movies...?

“You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie!”

Rosie O’Donnell’s character in “Sleepless in Seattle”

            Sometimes I think it would be fun to live life in a movie…

            When it comes to movies, I really enjoy romantic comedies. The more romantic and comedic, the more I like it. Just to share a glimpse of what I’m talking about, some of my favorites include (but are not limited to): “When Harry Met Sally,” “You’ve Got Mail,” “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” and “Sleepless in Seattle.”  Each of these films holds the ability to bring both a laugh to my lips and a tear to my eye – two qualities I find absolutely imperative to my personal movie enjoyment.

            Since I enjoy this genre so much, it is often tempting to compare my own life to that of the movie’s characters. Believe me when I say that’s a “BIG mistake, HUGE! Mistake…” (Pretty Woman) Comparing our OWN careers, homes, kids, friends, or loves to those from romantic comedies…?  “I don’t think so…” (Home Alone) (Okay, not a romantic comedy, but how could I resist?) Whenever we contrast our own situations to those of Hollywood fiction, I believe we set ourselves up for certain failure. Real life tends to come up a bit short – and yet I DO compare...

            In the movies, doesn’t it seem that regardless of the depth of the turmoil, if “someone” intervenes on another character’s behalf, then all can be made well with the world? For example, if someone’s boss is miserable and unreasonable, another character points out to said boss the error of his/her ways. That boss then miraculously experiences an AHA! moment, suddenly aware of and understanding of all of his/her reprehensible behavior up to that point in life, and changes comPLETEly (usually in the last 5-10 minutes of the film). Careers are changed for the best, raises are awarded, and everyone lives happily ever after. (sigh)

Or here’s another one… If one person is in love with someone, and the other person doesn’t KNOW it, then “another person” steps in and explains the entire scenario to the 2^nd person. THEN suddenly EVERYthing is clear and person #2 realizes that they are also madly in love, and wonders WHY he or she ever wasted so much time without person #1. ALL is resolved (usually in the last 5-10 minutes of the film) and the two fall deeply in love, get married and live happily ever after (at least until the sequel comes out, the couple has a baby, and the new plotline challenges the first movie’s neatly wrapped-up ending).

Yes, I’m semi poking fun, but I think that what I love most about these made-up movie stories is that somehow situations always resolve. I like that concept - I WANT things to resolve – I CRAVE resolution. But in REAL life, it’s usually messier – missing a few minor details. For example, wouldn’t it be nice to have “someone” intervene on our behalf sometimes? Wouldn’t it be neat if our work acquaintances stepped up and stuck their necks out and said, “You’ve got this wrong – Joe’s a great guy who works hard and deserves a promotion – in fact, give him mine!”  OR “Joanne, you’ve got it wrong! Joe’s always loved you – it’s always been you and only you!”

But in real life (unlike life in a movie) I find there’s a general feeling of I better not get involved – it’s none of my business.  I ask you - where would a good romantic comedy be if that sort of attitude prevailed?  (Dead at the box office, THAT’s where!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes other people DO see our lives more clearly than we see them  ourselves. Sometimes it WOULD help a guy or gal to have a concerned friend or loved one intervene on their behalf. Even with that sort of help, I’m smart enough to know that not every person approached (a boss or a Person #2) would see the error of his or her nasty ways; but wouldn’t it feel good sometimes to not feel like we’re just hanging out there all by ourselves?  Maybe these movies fill a hole, a deep-down wish – bring a feeling of hope…?

And so, Rosie O’Donnell’s quote from “Sleepless in Seattle,” strikes a true chord with me. I don’t want to just live life - I guess I want to live life in a movie.

           Sure, it’s a fantasy, but honestly, wouldn’t it be nice?  (And even a little bit fun...?)

We Just Never Know...

“From the high to the low to the end of the show for the rest of their lives…” Billy Joel

            Isn’t it funny (and by funny I mean strange) how quickly our lives can change? A day, an hour, minutes, even seconds, can change everything – sometimes for the very worst, sometimes for the ultimate best.

            Take last Monday for example (April 15, 2013)…

            That morning I was reeling with the unexpected news that my son, Tony Memmel, had just been awarded the honor of “Singer/Songwriter of the Year” by the Wisconsin Area Music Industry (WAMI). At an event the night before, they announced his name, and in the blink of an eye, I saw years of his hard work, dedication, and love of music all come together for him. I actually cried tears of happiness for him as I felt a gamut of emotions: satisfied, excited, (maybe even) thrilled, and certainly ready to celebrate!

I use the internet for work, and also enjoy social networking, spending a great deal of my time on Facebook. That morning was no different. As always, people bantered - wishing their friends “Happy Birthday,” news stations forecasted weather and reported on local happenings, friends posted silly cartoons about cleaning and wine drinking, and some wrangled on about religion and politics… just another day in the life.

Later, when I returned home from errand running, I flipped on my television and couldn’t believe what I was seeing or hearing. “Breaking News! Two explosions occurred near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. A holiday in Boston – Patriot’s Day – a day when people celebrate our country’s freedoms; a day that runners who’ve trained hard and dedicated their time and energy to their sport, come together – some to compete, some to celebrate life.” Over and over they showed us the footage; over and over I witnessed the mayhem that unfolded. I felt glued to that spot, not wanting to go, but knowing I should. I must… leave… the TV… I must… leave… the TV… It’s hard to do though when you want to stay up-to-date and know what’s going on.

I texted my husband. “It doesn’t look good,” he said. Later he told me that a man he works with had just finished the race about ten minutes before the explosion. The guy was okay.

I texted my daughter at her job, in Connecticut. “Are you okay? They’re saying the east coast is under a watch.”  She wrote back, “We’re fine. But how can someone be so evil?” Indeed, the question we’ve been asking ourselves quite often these days…

I spoke with Tony on the phone. As a touring musician, he’s travelled a great deal, and counts Boston as one of his and Lesleigh’s very favorite cities in the country. The kids have musical ties there, friends there, many people and places they care about. He was feeling this devastation - hard.

It was interesting to see the changes on Facebook too. An immediate somberness settled over the site. Just about everyone I know posted something along the lines of, “Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of Boston tonight…” Candles, flowers, poems, you name it.

Life changes fast, no doubt about it. It swings from light-hearted banter, to poems and prayers. I think that we all need to learn that when something good and wonderful happens, we should truly celebrate that good – and celebrate swiftly! Enjoy every minute… I think that when something bad or tragic transpires, we need to mourn and grieve, take the time to feel that sadness as deeply as necessary.

Somehow through it all, though, we need to find a balance, because as sure as I am writing this, we will continue to experience “the highs and the lows to the end of the show for the rest of our lives…” (See Billy Joel’s quote above)

It’s not going to ever stop.

And the truth is, we just never know…

Old Habits Die Hard...

                Guilty as charged! I hereby admit that I am an excitable person. I smile quite a bit, laugh often, and even lose my temper from time to time. I take enjoyment from many avenues of life - friends, family, good music, a glass of white zin and sometimes even a stimulating TV show. But honestly, nothing stirs more excitement within me these days, than getting together with those I love most (also known as my immediate family). Since my daughter, Megan, and son-in-law, Joe, moved to the east coast in 2010, our core family only reunites a couple of times a year. These gatherings are prime time occasions for me now, and I tend to love every minute.

            So - shortly after I wrote my blog post about remodeling Megan’s bedroom into an office (A Special Space – 3/20/13), I received an exciting phone call from her...

“Mom? What are you doing next weekend, and how would you feel about having a couple of visitors?”  Of course she meant her & Joe…

“WHAT??? Yes! Of course! That would be great! Make the plans immediately! Do not hesitate!” Did I use enough punctuation in this sentence to reinforce how excited I felt???

Coincidentally, it felt strange that almost as soon as I hung up the phone, just as soon as I got this great news that Megan and Joe would be here for four days and three glorious nights, I began to worry. Now, I’ve shared with you before that I tend to be a worrier. If it weren’t for me, I don’t know how the familial worrying would ever get done! No one else seems to take the job nearly as seriously as I do! I’m saying this like it’s a joke, but as with most good humor, there’s almost always at least a thread of truth…

Now, a legitimate question that might pop into your mind might be, “What in the world would Katie need to worry about? Her daughter’s coming home! She loves spending time with her kids! She should be excited!” And of course you would stand correct on all counts. My daughter WAS coming home and I WAS excited. In fact I grew so excited that I realized that four days would go by so fast, three nights would fly by, how would we all be able to get together? How would the kids get to see Joe’s family, PLUS my dad, my aunt, my sister, Tony…Oh yea - Lesleigh had to work, how could we possibly get everyone into the same room at the same time and what would I make for dinner and what would they want to drink, and now that we made her bedroom into an office, where would they sleep for Heaven’s sake, and… and… and….?  

My son’s intuition zeroed in on my ever-rising stress level. “What’s going on, Mom? You seem really distracted.”

Brilliant – he’s onto me!  “Oh nothing,” I lied, which never works around here. “I’m just wondering how we might best coordinate the upcoming weekend with Megan and Joe.” I proceeded to explain how little time we had and how many plans I was planning…

He then, in turn, proceeded to give me some very good advice. “Mom, you need to relax…” It makes me laugh to type that now, but he did say it lovingly – and it really is solid counsel. And then, in true Tony form, he quoted some song lyrics, “Ya gotta rock wit it, roll wit it…” Nothing like a little rap tune to soothe the 50-something year-old’s soul…

But seriously, he was right. I did need to relax. I needed to focus on the here and now. I needed to zap into reality. I needed to choose and implement my best-laid plans, and leave the rest to lie for yet another day… or long weekend. I reflected back to the whirlwind weekend that Megan and Joe visited Tony in Massachusetts when he flew there for the Helping Hands event. (See blog post “Gettin’ Together” - 1/26/13.) They had less than 11 hours together (and a few of those were sleeping) and ended up having a very special and impromptu time. Maybe ‘quality’ really does trump ‘quantity.’

Well, Megan and Joe came for their visit. As it turned out, the weekend was a hit. We arranged visits with some family, shared many laughs - heard stories that become short and unanimated during brief phone calls, but are a true hoot in real life. We drank coffee, ate pancakes, took family photos, figured in a fish fry with Lesleigh! Joe got to see his family members. And low and behold, somehow, it all…worked…out!!! Amazing! J

So… on the scale of  “Family? What’s that?” to “We will NEVER have enough family time” I feel our visit ranked right around the mark of “We did the very best we could with the short amount of time we had.”

            … and I can’t WAIT till next time! 

I wonder what will happen if they…  

            Sorry, old habits die hard.