Happy Birthday in Saudi Arabia!

Hello Dear Readers!

I am writing to you with a full heart after enjoying a lovely Thanksgiving holiday with Todd, our children, their spouses, and our grandchildren. I always love the time we are able to share together - all of us in the same room together, since we live hundreds of miles apart. We take turns hosting, but this time we gathered at our daughter, Megan’s, home. She and her husband, Joe, and their two kids, Jacob and Annie, opened their home to all of us, and put out a beautiful Thanksgiving spread. Since it rained all day, we had no choice but to put on our “comfy pants,” light a fire in the fireplace, watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, along with a football game (or three), and feast. We had a really nice day together, as a family.

Our son, Tony, and his wife, Lesleigh, along with their son, Theo, had to leave the gathering early on Friday morning. They needed to drive back to Nashville (a nine-plus hour trip from Tulsa) so that Tony could report to the airport by noon on Saturday. For those of you who don’t know, “Tony Memmel and his Band” were invited to journey to Saudi Arabia on an Arts Envoy tour, which is in cooperation with the U.S. Department of State and its embassies and consulates. There, they will be meeting local youth and working in the differently-/disabled community. They are feeling joy-filled and thankful to have received the invitation, and couldn’t wait to represent our country as cultural ambassadors. They’ll be posting and sharing about their journey and all of the people they meet, on his website at: www.tonymemmel.com .  Please be sure to check for his updated blog posts regularly.

All of this is crazy timing because today, December 3, is Tony’s birthday! For those of you who’ve read my book, “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference,” you know how I felt 34 years ago on the day he was born. Todd and I had no “heads up” that our child would be born without his left forearm and hand. It came as a complete surprise to us in the delivery room.

I’ve openly discussed how worried I became, almost immediately. As a brand new mom of 24 years old, thoughts raced through my mind; thoughts that placed Tony far into his future. Would he ever crawl, play sports or music, have friends or be bullied, ever find love or get married? Yes, before he had a name on his birth certificate I’d negatively plotted out his entire life. Later that day, in my hospital room, I prayed to God to watch over our family, and our brand new baby son.

When I got home from the hospital, our pastor called, and asked if he could stop by for a visit. I didn’t want him to. Todd and I were not the “type of people” (whatever that means) who felt we needed counsel. Tony had been born without his forearm; we’d figure this out. But the pastor was so kind, and I figured his visit couldn’t hurt, and might even help. I finally consented that he could come.

That afternoon, he and I had a life-changing conversation. After listening to all of my initial worries about the things I feared Tony may never do, my pastor said to me, “Kate, God often takes what the world considers weakness, and turns it into strength.” Wow, I had never considered that God might use Tony’s arm for His greater good. Was it true? All I knew was that since Tony was only a week old, with God’s heavenly help, Todd and I had some important earthly work to do ourselves; we somehow needed to raise a strong, confident, independent young man.

My book spells out a number of struggles we faced, as well as so many joys along life’s way. As a fearful young mother, I had to learn to put any negative thoughts on the back burner, and focus on the job ahead. I still had sad feelings sometimes, but couldn’t let them win. The stronger I became, the stronger Tony became. By listening to Todd and me answer questions for him, he learned his own answers, and soon became his own spokesperson. Since he is now a traveling musician who shares his story publicly around the country and around the world, these were excellent skills for him to pick up!  

I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, but I’ll go ahead and ruin the surprise for you… yes, he crawled, yes, he played sports AND music, yes he had friends – more than we could count. To be honest, I think most of us face some bullying in our lives, but by instilling in Tony a way to use humor with the other kids, he suffered very little teasing. As for love and marriage… well, have you ever met my daughter-in-law, Lesleigh Memmel? She is the perfect woman for my son – beautiful inside and out. She’s smart, funny, compassionate, and a wonderful mother to their little one-year-old son, Theo. You can read more about Tony and Lesleigh’s love story in my second book, “From This Day Forward…” 

And so, when I think about Tony’s birthday, (he was actually born on a Tuesday, too!) and all of the initial frightened thoughts I experienced as a young mom… and then I think about how he’s in Saudi Arabia today, speaking and playing music for those in the differently- and disabled communities of that country, I think about my pastor’s words to me. I can boldly say that I do believe God has used Tony’s arm for His greater good. I do believe God took what the world (and what even I) considered weakness, and turned it into great strength!

I know I’ve shared this before, but it pertains once again. One of my favorite passages in scripture is Romans 8:28 (NIV). It says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

Amen to that.

Happy Birthday, Tony!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of three books: “Five Fingers, Ten Toes…”, “Silly Stories and Sentimental Stuff”, and “From This Day Forward…” All are available in paperback as well as electronic versions. For more information about Katie, or to order a book, please visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com

Alzheimer's/Dementia - "The Long Goodbye"

It was a beautiful fall day here, in Waukesha, Wis. Though I had a lot on my mind, the gorgeous weather prompted me to pull on my Packers sweatshirt, and go outside to rake some leaves. As many writers will tell you, physical movement often jogs ideas to flow from within, and that morning’s chore did not disappoint.

Some of you have contacted me privately, and mentioned that you haven’t heard from me in a while. That is true. I guess I’ve been busy, possibly even consumed, with an issue that comes to many. Rather than remain silent, I’ve decided to share what’s been going on, and bring some light to a difficult situation. If someone who reads this is going through this too, maybe they won’t feel so alone after reading what I’ve got to say.

A loved one of mine has dementia, possibly even Alzheimer’s disease. Through trial and error, our family is making our way through… but it ain’t easy.   

Long before Facebook existed, and long before blogging was ever a thought, my mother suffered from Alzheimer’s. For years before there was any formal diagnosis of her condition, we began seeing personality changes and (what some might call) strange behaviors. She was only in her late 60’s at that time, which seemed way too young for us to even think about her having an “elderly issue” like Alzheimer’s… but we were wrong.

In the summer of 2000, my mom ended up in the hospital for Diabetic-related issues, but never went back home. Her confusion, which my dad had tried to skillfully hide, became evident to the doctors and nurses who cared for her. They said she needed more attention than my dad could any longer provide, and she was admitted to the memory care unit of a local nursing home. She was 72 years old.

My father became the main contact, and received all phone calls regarding my mom’s care. He made all of her decisions, and my siblings and I were simply there to support him/them. I thought my dad’s heart would break, seeing his sweetheart, his partner of more than fifty-plus years, in such a state. We scrambled to help him wherever we were needed. I mean, what does someone do, exactly? So… we simply showed up! Sometimes Mom slept through our visits at the nursing home, so the rest of us would just chat together. Sometimes she was sweet as pie and kind as could be. Those were good days. Sometimes she was the exact opposite. She lived there for 2 ½ years until one night in February of 2003, around midnight, she passed away. Though I’d been supportive throughout, I openly admit that I counted her passing as a blessing. It had been a rough few years, and I trusted in God’s promise that she was finally home. 

Fast forward now, 16 years. My mom’s sister is now being affected by the same disease. She’s much older than my mom was – already 93 years old – but otherwise in good health. Sadly, my aunt could not have children, and so our family, my three siblings and I, became closer to her than what might usually be the case. For 33 years, ever since her husband passed away in 1986, she has lived alone. She’s made her own decisions, paid her own bills, volunteered her time at a hospital - lived her own life. That’s all changed.

For a while now, we could tell she was becoming more forgetful, more repetitive with conversations. She admitted she couldn’t do everything by herself anymore. She still lived alone but with more assistance… until recently. See if this sounds familiar. Our aunt ended up in the hospital because of a fall, and will never go back home. Her confusion, which she skillfully hid, has become evident to the doctors and nurses who are caring for her. They said she needs more attention than her assisted living facility can provide, so she has been admitted to a local nursing home. That said, her mixed bouts of sweetness and kindness mingle with confusion, accusation, and sometimes even fury.

I can’t say this is surprising to our family, having lived through our mother’s situation, but it has definitely jolted us all into new mind sets. My brother and I, who consented to act as our aunt’s Powers of Attorney for Healthcare, are now the facility’s main contacts for her care. We receive all phone calls, day or night, regarding her care. We will make all of her medical decisions, while our dad and siblings, our spouses and children will be here to support us/her. Sometimes she sleeps through our visits, and we chat amongst ourselves. Sometimes she’s aware of what’s true, is sweet and kind as can be. Those are good days. Sometimes she’s the exact opposite.

As the youngest of my siblings, I find myself in an odd position. When my mother was going through all of this, I was in my early forties, raising young teens. Todd and the kids were my main priorities, so even though my mother was important to me, I had many other responsibilities as well. Now, I find my aunt to be at the center of many of my thoughts. I can’t help but wonder how she’ll fare, what’s next for her, and in reality, what’s next for us all?  

In the early 2000’s, as our family endured my mother’s illness, my dad often said how he leaned on his faith to get him through those difficult days. “Kate, what do people do who don’t have faith?” he’d ask. Though I’ve been trying hard not to, I find myself worrying sometimes. I know that none of us are promised tomorrow. I do have faith, and I want to trust God in all of this, so… why is it so difficult?

As Todd and I stood in church recently, singing along with the worship band, I thought about everything our family is going through right now. The songs brought me so much comfort. I thought about God as “the way” through, knowing he can (and has!) worked out every situation in our lives so far. He keeps his promises and never abandons us, while shining bright light into the darkest of places. That is what he does, and who he is! It made me think about one of my favorite passages in scripture, Romans 8:28 - “In all things, God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose…”

Those words are so reassuring to me. We all experience difficult times, and God does bring us to the other side. Years ago, we watched our mother go through all of this, and are now watching my aunt. The familiarity of their similarity is both difficult for me to process, while oddly the same. Yes, my immediate human questions do arise as to how this will all play out. It doesn’t look as though our family will be experiencing a quick fix, but rather more of a journey. However, rather than simply plowing through the difficult, and quickly turning the page to the next thing, I’m looking for every ounce of good along the way. There’s no doubt in my mind this path will be packed full of lessons for us all. Will we, as siblings, grow closer? Will we find strength we never knew we had for something further down the road? None of us knows. But I do know this. I’m learning to truly trust God for it all.

Pray for us?

God’s Blessings, Katie

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of three books: “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference”; “Silly Stories and Sentimental Stuff”; and “From This Day Forward…” For more information, or to order her books, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

#Alzheimer’sDisease #findtheblessing #lessonswelearn 

Reader's Rave Reviews - From This Day Forward...

Hello dear readers!

2019 is absolutely flying by, isn’t it?  I can’t believe it’s April already, and that Mother’s Day is only one month away. It makes me think back to last year at this time; my latest book, From This Day Forward… was in its final stages of editing, cover art, and ordering. Hopes were high, and so were my emotions. Very exciting!!!

Just to refresh your memory, I conducted eight interviews with individuals and couples who (through happy marriages) have lived, or are presently living out, their own real-life love stories. What do they do that works well? Did they ever veer off course? If not, why not? If yes, what did they do to get back on track?

These are folks of all ages. They range from one gentleman in his 90’s, two women in their 80’s, two couples in their 60’s, a 40’s, 30’s, and even a 20’s!

I want to make sure that everyone knows From This Day Forward… is available, and that it would make a wonderful gift for your mom, aunt, wife, daughter, or favorite woman, on that special day/weekend in May. Honestly, men will like it too!

It’s available through Amazon as either an electronic Kindle version, or as a beautiful paperback. Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=katie+kolberg+Memmel&ref=nb_sb_noss

You can also order copies of the book directly from me, and I can sign them for you. Just contact me personally through Facebook, or e-mail me at kkmemmel@gmail.com 

Those who’ve bought and read From This Day Forward…  seem to have really enjoyed it. Over the past 11 months, look at what some of my readers have had to say about it:

REVIEWS

In Chapter One alone, I cried FOUR times. What a wonderful love story. I love the format, and how Katie lets the story unfold so naturally. Her patience and intuition make it so unique and moving. Loved it!     Lauren G.

I read Chapter Eight first, and the tears just flowed. Such a beautiful story, and so wonderfully told. Katie, thank you for putting it down on paper to share with others. Your book will be a gift and a blessing to all who read it. I need another copy so that I can share it with my son and his fiancé.   Vicki T.

I’m loving Katie’s new book, From This Day Forward… She is such a gifted writer.   Laura G.

I loved Katie’s new book, especially since I know some of the couples she interviewed, personally. It was so fun to read about their love stories.        Shirley W.

The gentleman in Chapter One reminds me of my own grandpa. I’m really enjoying this book. Deb R.

I’m really enjoying From This Day Forward… except that I cry almost every day at lunch, while I’m reading it.    Ali C.

Katie’s new book is so well-written, I can almost hear her voice as I read along. I found that I could relate a piece of myself to each of the eight stories. The book has made me laugh, but there have also been parts where I’ve totally ‘lost it.’ Katie, be sure to thank the couples who participated in the interviews, for sharing their stories. Well done!    Sally W.

Katie’s new book, From This Day Forward… makes me smile, but has also made me cry – knowing what people go through with their spouse at the end of life, when death does them part. I guess that’s real life, for better or for worse. I need a second copy of the book for my son and his fiancé to read.    Cindy E.

I loved Katie’s new book. It offers a lot of good advice for newlyweds. I need a second copy for a wedding I’m planning to attend.    Nancy C.

I wasn’t very far into From This Day Forward… and I was already teary. The interview process must have been amazing. Well done, Katie!     Katie R.

I’ve loved all three of Katie’s books, and think she’s a great author. From This Day Forward… was wonderful, and so easy to read. It’s almost as though she is right here, talking with me. Barb K.

In From This Day Forward… Katie has such a charming way of relating the stories. It’s easy and interesting, yet thought-provoking. Her new book gets an A+ from me.

Beth D.

From This Day Forward… is such a beautiful read!    Robyn A.

Katie, who’s the guy in Chapter one? What a great storyteller!    Mike R.

I was so appreciative and humbled to receive these kind compliments, and am so thrilled that my readers are enjoying From This Day Forward...  Thank you to all of the contributors! 

Well, I guess that’s it for now. As always, thanks for checking in. I hope to hear from you soon, and hopefully get some of YOUR feedback about the book. Until then, 

Happy Reading!!!        #FromThisDayForward  #HappyMarriage  #ChristianMarriage  #IDo

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of three books: “From This Day Forward…”, “Silly Stories and Sentimental Stuff”, and “Five Fingers, Ten Toes…”

For more information about Katie and her writing, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com   

Introducing (drum roll, please) Theo (and some other good stuff, too)

Greetings!

Here we are, post-holidays 2018, and already several months into 2019. When I sat down to write this blog post, I realized it’s been half-a-year since my last installment. Perhaps that gives you an idea of the kind of fall, winter, and (now) spring we’ve had.

I received a new calendar for Christmas, so in early January I sat down to transfer all of our family’s information – birthdays, anniversaries, highlights, etc. - to our new one. It was fun for me to look back through the past year, and remember some of the fun times we shared. I thought, why not share them on the blog, too?

For those of you who are connected to me via Facebook, you know that our family has a new addition. Tony (our son) and his wife (Lesleigh) found out last spring that they were expecting a baby. They could not have been happier or more excited. Throughout the entire pregnancy they avoided finding out the baby’s sex. They are (possibly) some of the last people on the planet who don’t wish to know this type of information, preferring to leave final verdicts as surprises.

In September, on one of Tony and Lesleigh’s trips back to Wisconsin, Lesleigh’s mom, sister, and I threw them a nice baby shower. Because we only had the one day to celebrate, both families, plus friends, all came together for one big party to celebrate “Baby M”, and shower Tony and Les with onesies and sleepers and diapers and strollers and… well, you name it. It was a special day, indeed.

Since none of us knew the day, time, sex, or potential name of the baby, it became a pretty exciting time for all of us. Every day, Todd and I would shrug and say, “Who knows… maybe it’ll be today…?”  In early November, Lesleigh gave birth to their SON. They named him Theodore Anthony Memmel; “Theo” for short. He weighed in at 8 lbs, 9 oz, and measured 20.5 inches long. All went well, and they could not be happier parents.

Joe, our son-in-law, needed to travel for work. We asked Megan if she and the kids would like to visit us during that time, so... ironically, Megan and her kids happened to be in Wisconsin when Lesleigh gave birth. It was so nice that we could all be "together," even though we weren't really all together. Tony and Lesleigh were in town when Megan gave birth to Jake, too. It was kind of a special time for us all, especially since they're all Godparents to each other's oldest children now.  

Lesleigh’s mom and dad were the first to visit/help the kids. Todd’s and my visit overlapped with theirs by a couple of days, so we all ended up celebrating Thanksgiving Day together. Lesleigh’s dad made a turkey feast, and we all “cheers-ed” (is that a word?), agreeing that our families had many blessings, and so much to be thankful for. 

Theo has been wide-eyed from the very beginning – very “alert.” He seems soulful, as though he often has much on his mind. Since he can’t yet talk, I guess we’ll have to wait and see if I’m right about that. In the meantime, he certainly has won all of our hearts.

Todd and I stayed for the weekend and helped the kids decorate for Christmas, but left early on Sunday morning to make the nine-hour trek back to Wisconsin. We had a lot to do! As some of you may recall, Annie Grace, our granddaughter, was born at the end of July. Our children spoke and decided to celebrate a double baptism for the babies, here in Wisconsin, on December 1^st. Megan and her family drove up from Tulsa, and Tony and Les drove up from Nashville. Tony asked a dear pastor friend of theirs to officiate, and the ceremony was held right here in our home. Joe’s, Lesleigh’s, and our family, along with some friends, all witnessed the most special day – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - a day filled with true joy, and God’s blessings.  

Throughout the fall semester, Tony had been contracted to work with the Madison Youth Choirs, so on December 8 and 9, they performed their concerts. Todd and I tag-teamed with Lesleigh’s mom and dad, and babysat for Theo so that the kids could perform, worry-free; that way, we could also each attend the alternate concert. Todd and I attended the Saturday night performance, which were all of the boys. It’s such a thrill for me to sit in the audience, and watch/listen as the impressive students sing and harmonize Tony’s music, bringing songs like “America to Go” and “Clenched Hands, Brave Demands” to new heights. On Sunday, Todd and I watched Theo in the auditorium’s “green room,” behind the stage. The live music was audible through speakers, so we technically heard the girls’ concert too. So much fun! Tony and Les hoped it might work out with Theo’s feedings that he make his debut, and meet some of their friends. Todd and I were happy to oblige, and took the baby to the lobby at the end of the concert for that purpose.

Over the course of the next week, we ended up purchasing a new (to us) car. Car shopping has changed considerably since 2009, which was the last time we actually bought. Browsing online certainly does save a lot of time. It’s also much easier to be sure you’re getting a price that’s “in the ballpark” of reasonable. We are now the proud owners of a 2016 GMC Acadia – charcoal color – 33,000 miles. It’s really (REALLY) nice, and has made a nice addition so far.

It was time for our attention to shift completely toward Christmas – shopping, wrapping, you name it. We spent Saturday (the 22^nd) packing up (to the ceiling!) our Acadia. Todd and I were able to attend an early Christmas service at our church that evening, then head home and give our gifts to each other. Early on Sunday morning (the 23^rd) we headed out for Nashville, where we’d all spend Christmas together at Tony and Lesleigh’s new house. Megan and her family arrived about five minutes after we did, and we all felt really excited to be there together.

One of my favorite parts of Christmas this year was when we all left the house, late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, and attended church together as a family. We arrived early enough to secure seats for all nine of us: one set of grandparents, two sets of parents, a pre-schooler, and two infants. We sang some carols and heard a good message. I know this is going to be hard to believe, BUT… when we got back to the house, SANTA had come, and WOW! Was that ever exciting, as you can imagine!

As we opened gifts, the babies did their baby things: oooh’ed, cooo’ed, cried, ate, and slept. I must say it was pretty cool though when Todd and I gave Jake a Paw Patrol sweatshirt, and he wore it for the rest of the week. It’s a grandparent’s dream, isn’t it, that a child will like the clothing they’re given? Fun. The next day, as Tony and Lesleigh prepared a delicious Christmas meal, Tony pulled Jake aside and explained that Aunt Lesleigh had worked hard to make a nice dinner for us, and he would appreciate it if Jake would sit and eat nicely. The pep talk worked. The babies napped, and we all got to share good food and quiet conversation on the holiday. 

Some of you have traveled to Nashville, and have seen Tony perform in various clubs. Some of you have even waited on a Sunday night in that long line outside the Bluebird Cafe, hoping to make it through the door. But on December 27^th, Todd and I were able to attend a truly awesome event at the Bluebird – one that allowed us to walk right in, and get seated at a table. Tony was given the opportunity to host a show, and could ask three other musicians to join him on stage for a “writer’s round.” For me, it was a night to remember. Tony opened the evening, and then each writer took a turn, explained their song, and then sang. Each one probably performed four or five. The whole room was laughing at times, clapping, singing… To be honest, I could not wipe the smile from my face, it was so much fun! Plus, Todd bought me a new t-shirt to commemorate the experience!  

We drove home in time to spend New Year’s Eve with our usual group, but then shortly after that, I came down with a terrible cough. It really never was a “cold,” but man, did I cough… for a month! It was really obnoxious because I felt “okay,” but became hesitant to leave the house because the cough was so harsh. February was brutal. Oh man… we thought it would never end; between the snow, the below-zero temps, the torrential rains that ended up freezing, and created literal ice-rinks of everyone’s driveways and yards. So many people fell and broke bones. My dad actually took a few tumbles himself, but did not get hurt. We teased him, saying he must have angels on each shoulder, but seriously, he MUST! The whole thing became scary - unreal. So glad spring is springing!

So now, here we are! Tony and Lesleigh had more work here in Wisconsin, so they visited us last week (mid-March). Theo is growing into such a little doll. He’s so wide-eyed and curious, and has such a sweet smile. The only time that the big, beautiful, wide eyes become a problem is when it’s nap or bed time. Sleeeeep, Theo, Sleeeeep….! Haha… Anyway… Tony worked with middle school children for part of last week, and Todd and I were able to attend the concert. Theo had just been fed, and sat on Todd’s lap throughout the whole hour-plus event. He made one little noise, so Todd stood up with him in the back of the auditorium, but never had to leave. All I can say is that Theo seems to truly have music in his soul. It quiets him and holds his interest, even when he’s fussy. Lesleigh always said that the baby would “dance” in her womb. He’s a mover and a shaker to this day – no doubt about it.

Our family hopes to all reunite again around Easter. Annie will be nine months, Theo will be six, and Jake will be (almost) four years old!!! We’re so enjoying watching our family grow and change. Grandparenthood seems to be suiting us juuuust fine…

Well, that explains a bit about where I’ve been. I hope to share more posts soon. My goal is to not let so much time lapse next time. Sooo… until then,

God’s Blessings!

Katie

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of three books: “From This Day Forward…” “Five Fingers, Ten Toes” and “Silly Stories and Sentimental Stuff.” To order her books, or for more information about her writing, visit her website at: www.katiekolbergmemmel.com