These are the Best of Days!

A couple of months ago, Todd and I received a wedding invitation for this weekend. A dear friend of mine from high school, a guy who I’ve always valued as a great confidante and pal, is going to be walking his lovely first-born child down the aisle. The closer the day gets, the more I’m thinking about their family, and the awesomeness they'll all experience. The closer the day gets, the more I’m also reminiscing about our own family’s wedding experiences as well.  

Todd and I have been through these most precious of wedding weekends twice. Each was totally different from the standpoint that we had one son and one daughter – parental responsibilities totally different for each of our children.

In January of 2009, our son, Tony, married the love of his life, Lesleigh. As soon as they announced their engagement, early plans began forming. Guest lists were assembled, logistics of January-in-Wisconsin (possible snowstorms) guest travel discussed, scouting of a hall suitable to hold the desired amount of guests, things like that.  As the parents of the groom, we had a rehearsal dinner to plan, along with some other commitments that we divided with Lesleigh’s family. I bought an outfit for the big day, Lesleigh announced that she and her mom found “the perfect bridal gown,” and the wedding party, including our daughter and her fiancé, was formed.

During the planning, was there any arguing or wrangling? In a simple word, Yes. Parents, who have been to, and participated in, many-a-wedding, tend to have oodles of advice to dispense. I will admit that much. Not all of the advice is welcomed and embraced. So what’s new? That’s the interaction between kids, parents, and families sometimes. When all was said and done, the plans played out beautifully. (sigh)

The rehearsal dinner that we planned came off without a hitch. We decided on a restaurant, but wanted our own separate room, so that toasts could be easily made and heard. I’ll be real honest – sometimes in my own marriage I’ve wondered what Todd is thinking; but at that rehearsal dinner, in front of 40 or 50 guests, quiet Todd stood up and made the most beautiful speech about marriage, both our own, and the one that Tony and Les would be committing to. That event was one of the very best moments of my life.

The next day, our son stood at the front of the church where he’d been baptized and confirmed, next to the same pastor who baptized and confirmed him. (Rare? Yes. Special? Wow!) Each bridal couple walked down the aisle together, as Tony’s guitar-playing friend played the most beautiful instrumental piece. Finally, Lesleigh appeared in the doorway with her dad. With tears in his eyes, Tony motioned for her to hurry up and get there, he could wait no longer. This made everyone both laugh and cry harder.

January 3, 2009 was truly one of the best days of my life – a day of true joy.

 

And then in December of the same year, just eleven months later, Megan and Joe said “I do.” I shopped with Megan, helping her find the perfect dress. She looked great in just about everything she tried on. But there was this one dress – a little pricier than the rest, yes. But it was Just. So. Beautiful. “Just give this one a try,” I urged.  And Wow! That was it. Just seeing my baby girl standing there in that beautiful white gown brought out the tears. We bought it.

During the wedding preparations, was there any arguing or wrangling? Ummm, yes, a little… after all, we are talking about a mother and a daughter here. Sometimes wires cross and tempers flare. I’ll admit to that much. But again, when all was said and done, the day played out beautifully. (sigh) (again)

Because the wedding was the week before Christmas, we used the poinsettias in the church to our favor. Todd strung extra white twinkle lights through garland, and arranged the flowers along the church altar. People exclaimed, “Wow! That’s how I want my own wedding to look!” We’ll add wedding decorations to Todd’s long list of talents – not really kidding… ;)

Both my daughter and I can tend to be a bit emotional – tears flow pretty easily. But on her wedding day, Megan absolutely beamed. She had a smile on her face from ear to ear. Watching my husband, her daddy, walk her down the aisle of the church and pass her hand to Joe’s, is unlike any experience I can describe. It was highly emotional, that’s for sure. That’s our precious daughter. That’s our little girl. A look passed between Todd and Joe – something like Take care of her – promise me! (Maybe I should add a few more exclamation marks there) TAKE CARE OF HER – PROMISE ME!!!!! Somehow, marrying your daughter is very serious business. J

After the ceremony, in true Megan and Joe fashion, they walked to the back of the church where Joe proceeded to wrap his arms around her and lift her up off her feet – the two looked so happy. Along with Joe’s parents and family, now joining our own, we all ate, danced, drank a glass of beer or wine (or two)… Todd got up and made another amazing toast – this time as “Father of the Bride.” I thought my heart would leap from my chest. He may not say much, but I’ll tell you what – when he wants to, he certainly can say what’s on his mind – beautifully too! Every guest in the room was there to celebrate the joining of our daughter and her new husband. Do days get any better than this? I doubt it.

December 19, 2009, was truly one of the best days of my life – a day of true joy.

So as Todd and I attend our friend’s daughter’s wedding, we reflect back on how it felt for us to celebrate two such joyful weddings of our own. As he walks his little girl down the aisle, we’ll watch if that silent vow is made between him and her new husband, we’ll listen as he toasts the new couple, saying what’s on his heart, and know the joy he’s feeling.

And so… Dear old friend, today I’m thinking of your whole family as you enter this amazing wedding weekend. May it be beautiful and joy-filled!

For what life has to offer, believe me when I say, “These are the best of days!”

God’s Blessings!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of "Five Fingers, Ten Toes - A Mother's Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference." For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

Helping Hands Midwest Picnic

August, 2013 – it cannot possibly be August, 2013!!! I think I blinked and I missed it. The summer is flying by, and the last month has gone especially fast for me. We were not home from our vacation for five days, and we were “On the road again…” (Sing like Willie Nelson)… “We just couldn’t wait to get on that road again…” (Still singing but now with my own made-up lyrics…)  ;) 

Anyway, many months ago Todd and I were invited to attend the “Helping Hands Midwest” picnic in Harrison, Ohio. This picnic day/weekend is a time for families of children with limb differences – along with some adults with limb differences – families and friends to get together. I said to Todd, “We should really go this year. I think it will be great fun to personally meet so many of the people I talk with online every day.”  He consented, of course, and vowed to take a vacation day from his job to drive me to the event. I reserved a hotel room at the Holiday Inn, and began looking forward to what the weekend might hold for us.

From our home in Waukesha, Wis, it proved to be a 6.5 hour drive. Everyone who lives ‘round these parts knows enough to pad their trip times with the reality of (dun dun dun) “Chicago.” How can there be a perpetual traffic jam in Chicago? Winter, spring, summer, fall, morning, noon and night – no matter when we go through Chicago, there’s traffic… hmmm – a blog for another day perhaps???  ;)  Todd and I enjoyed a nice drive. We witnessed a few sights we’d never seen before – our GPS routed us straight through the downtown portion of Indianapolis, which was fun. We also marveled at how pretty southern Indiana becomes, with its green rolling hills.  

It was interesting – from the moment we got to our hotel, I found myself watching for families of kids with “lucky fins” - a.k.a. limb differences.  As parents of kids born with differences, we talk quite often about people who stare at our kids, as well as the range of responses we might use in that type of situation. Yet on that Friday, I was the one staring at our kids! I made sure to smile, hopefully creating a feeling of open communication – hopefully conveying the feeling of ‘I do belong here…'

Ever since the spring of 2009, when I began communicating on the limb difference forum which ultimately led me to write my book, (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=kaite+kolberg+memmel ) I’ve chatted with some of these young families. We’ve exchanged laughs, tears, photos, you name it! So imagine my joy when one young dad, complete with two little girls running beside him and a baby in his arms, got on our elevator.

“Are you J__?” I asked him, knowing full well he was J__.  

“Yes I am…” he responded.

“Is your wife M__?”

“Why, yes she is…!” he said, seeming a bit amazed that a complete stranger knew that fact.

“I’ve chatted with her online for quite a while,” I confessed, not wanting him to think this was somehow creepy or anything.

“Oh, that’s great,” he said. “We were just in our room listening to The Lucky Fin Song, by Tony Memmel. The girls love that song,” he explained.

This exchange was too dear for words and I could resist no longer. “Oh, that’s awesome!” I pointed at Todd and said, “We are Tony’s mom and dad.”

Though we’d never personally met this young dad, he seemed to relax immediately, the smile on his face broadening. The two older girls seemed to love the fact that they’d just met Tony’s parents. And when I actually met M___, we recognized each other immediately and hugged tightly, having bonded long ago with our shared stories of our kids’ births and lives.

And that’s just one example of how the weekend turned out. The picnic’s coordinator, Kim, was so gracious and happy to meet Todd and me, and treated us like a king and queen. After we signed in and they snapped a photograph of our family (above), she offered us a table from which I could sign and sell my books. Todd and I were able to stand back and watch all of the children run and play – not a care in the world that day – playing soccer and baseball, doing crafts, you name it! I met Molly Stapelman, the founder of “The Lucky Fin Project.” We’d communicated via the internet for years, exchanged Christmas greetings via snail mail, and even chatted on the phone. But meeting her, her husband Dan, and her daughters, proved to be a wonderful and enriching experience for me. I chatted with so many other parents too, high-fived a lot of little children with and without limb differences, laughed and even wiped a tear or two.

It’s funny, isn’t it? When you have something like this in common with people, everything else in life fades away. For all the time spent thinking about what to wear or which shoes would be most comfortable, no one seemed to care what anyone looked like or how they were dressed. It didn’t seem to matter where we lived or from which side of the political aisle we hailed.

We all love someone living with a limb difference, and that’s what bonds us.

We talked about important issues - our birthing days, prosthetics, our kids’ first days of school, and did we endure any teasing? How would their child grip a bat or a baseball glove? Might they someday play guitar or another instrument? How would their little girl pull her hair into a ponytail or paint her fingernails? These are some of the hard, pressing topics that plague and bond parents of kids with differences. And though I hadn’t been in the immediate game of child raising for quite some time, those questions had been such a big part of our life for so many years, I found that I fit right in. In fact, people sought and seemed to value my input and my opinion.

But for me personally, what I felt the best about, what I felt most privileged to witness, was how much everyone seemed to like Tony and Lesleigh. The little kids seemed to feel so at ease, talking with him, telling him stories, high-fiving his little arm with their own, strumming his guitar, whatever moved them at the time. Lesleigh did a lot of filming that day, working towards their goal of completing a beautiful music video they’d been working on for the Lucky Fin Project.

When Tony was a little boy, I can’t even tell you how many times I wondered how his life would turn out.  So to watch him with the kids that day, many of whose parents question how their own kids’ futures may play out, I can’t help but marvel at how well things have gone. Will he ever date, find someone to love him? Will he get married? A resounding yes, yes and yes! And not only did he find someone who loves him and wanted to marry him, she works solidly by his side every step of the way. What mom could ever ask for more than that for her kids?

And so, Todd and I drove back home on Sunday feeling motivated, inspired, and moved by all we’d heard and seen over the weekend. Three days later, on Wednesday, I received a private message from Tony in my Facebook inbox, asking us to watch the brand new “Lucky Fin Song” video that he had just finished editing, and to provide him with our feedback. If tears count, then I’d say all of our feedback was positive. He formally released the video on Monday, August 12. You can watch the video here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3Q8pRO_4MI

The truth is that none of us ever knows what lies ahead. We take steps in our lives, never sure of exactly where they’ll lead us or how they’ll turn out. So down the road, when you’re old like me, ;) it is beyond fascinating to be able to look back and weigh out all of the worries and fears, joys and triumphs, and see both of my children’s lives progressing so nicely. We are blessed indeed…

All of us need to take life one step at a time, day by day… but as of today, I just want to say I’m proud of all my kids: Tony, Lesleigh, Megan and Joe - and all of the wonderful work you’re doing in the world. Stay strong and persevere! ...Oh, and always trust...!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference.” It is available through Amazon. For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com