The Holidays are Coming, the Holidays are Coming...!

            Friends, I’m afraid I’ve been thinking - a dangerous pastime, I know… (Straight out of Beauty and the Beast) ;) 

But yeah, I’ve been thinking about how things change as we age, and today’s topic is going to be the upcoming holidays.

I don’t know if this ever happened in your family or not, but years ago, the topic of “the holidays” could surface for me as early as July. I’d be sitting here sweating on a hot summer’s day, plotting out the current day’s events for my kids – park, picnic or pool, pool, picnic or park? The phone would ring and I’d quickly answer, (wrongly) assuming that I’d simply engage in polite chit chat. But oh no no no no no. Before I knew what hit me, ye ‘ol yearly question would be sprung, then loom like mist for the next half-year… “Who’s hosting Christmas this year? Are YOU hosting Christmas this year?”

Now remember, it was only July, so I was taken completely off-guard. I’d hem, I’d haw, but what could I really say? I had NO idea who was hosting Christmas that year, nor if I was hosting Christmas that year. I could offer up that Todd and I had hosted the previous year, or I could say I thought it might be our turn, but other than that, I truly hadn’t given it much thought on that sunny summer day.  

To be honest, our holiday gatherings (no matter who hosted) could range from spectacular to sheer mayhem. Let’s just be real kind right now, and say that some family members were easier to hit it off with than others. So thinking about December in July did not bring me much joy. Why in fact, it held the very real potential to start up an argument that very night. Nothing like a little Christmas conflict during the 4^th of July fireworks! ;)

It’s just weird to think about it now because so much has changed. Both of Todd’s parents have long since passed away - his mom in 2006 and his dad shortly after in 2008. Todd’s siblings are literally scattered from coast to coast. His brother (and family) lives in the San Diego area, while his sister (and family) resides in Charleston, South Carolina. Though my own siblings and dad are all relatively close by, my mom passed away in 2003; and before that, she “celebrated” three holiday seasons in her nursing home.

And talk about change! Get this - my own two kids grew up! Yeah, I know – how weird is that? When they were little, I didn’t think that would ever happen. But it did! They grew up and went away to school, and they got married, and we had to share them on holidays with the other two families – just like our parents needed to share Todd and me, once-upon-a-time. The difference was that we were ten miles down the road – not 500 to 1,000. With Megan and Joe living in Connecticut, and Tony and Lesleigh living in Nashville, nothing is at all the same as it was years ago, for our own parents. We can’t really count on anything. Our plan-making conversations hold a lot of “We’ll have to see how this year plays out,” - as you can imagine.

Now that I’m in my 50’s, I think I understand a bit better why people started planning events so early. They like to know where they stand - I get it. But for us the logistics are so completely different. If we want to spend the holidays together we might start planning in July because we all must consider work schedules, flight arrangements (or preventive car maintenance), hotel reservations, weather delays, and much more. Last year we were able to go visit both kids. We flew to Connecticut for Thanksgiving (see November 2013 blog posts) and drove to Nashville for Christmas. It was such a relief to not have to even think about what we’d do over the holidays, because we’d be traveling, seeing the people we love the most in this world. I guess that’s what our parents were trying to figure out all those years ago – they wanted to spend their holidays with those that they loved the most in this world – us. See? I get it now.

My sister called a few days ago and asked me what we were doing for Thanksgiving. Since I no longer plan for the holidays in the summertime, it felt strange to say, “I don’t really know.” She reminded me that the holiday is less than three weeks away, which I do know. But somehow without my own kids here in town, none of it matters nearly as much as it used to. She was very kind to invite us over, and we did accept; but it also brought out some odd feelings, which I’m sharing with you now.

When I sit back and think about all of the holidays past – all of the familial dramas that ensued, all of the people who are now gone – it kind of makes me long for my phone to jingle in July and for someone’s voice to inquire, “Who’s hosting Christmas this year? Are YOU hosting Christmas this year?” (Of course the answer would be, “No,” since I really don’t love to host, and usually only do it when my arm is twisted and it’s my turn)   ;)  I realized that I miss the people more than the actual calls; but it would be fun to banter it again anyway, this time from a more mature viewpoint. Who knows? I might even find it all a bit humorous…

The good news is that this year, Megan and Joe are going to be in town over Christmas! (Yay! Yippeee!) So for months now we’ve been badgering them with questions like, “What are you doing on this day, that day, can we have you on blah blah blah…?,” and they must now decide how to arrange it all, just like we had to years ago.

So… as you set out to celebrate because “The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming!” just remember this:  (in the wise words of Billy Joel)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSaaEVAMi3o

“This is the time to remember cuz it will not last forever..."

You may not want to remember these days, these holidays, but they are the memories you’ll have – the good, the bad, and the horrendous.

So, whether you’re hosting or helping…

God bless you, your families, and your holidays – from July all the way thru December!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of "Five Fingers, Ten Toes - A Mother's Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference." For more information, or to purchase her book, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com