New Kid(s) on the Block...?

I’m fairly active on social media, and mid-August is definitely the time for families to get all abuzz, readying themselves for going “Back to School.” I know that some kids have already returned to the classroom, but here in Waukesha, Wis. they still have a couple of weeks.

This time of year usually makes me remember when my own kids were heading back. But this year I’ve also been thinking about myself – when I was the one going back to school in the fall. I’m especially thinking about 1973 – the year I was entering the seventh grade. I was about to enter a whole new school with a whole new cast of characters. I guess I feel I have a little bit of wisdom to impart on this subject, if I may...?

In the city where I grew up, there were 12 or 13 elementary schools which served 4K thru sixth grade. Young teens then attended one of three junior high schools (a.k.a. middle schools) from seventh thru ninth grades. Two high schools in town (East and West) eventually served all of us.

Apparently, my family lived in that one remote area of town that had to make concessions. Our house was located approximately the same distance from each high school (three-ish miles?) and so our boundaries blurred. For junior high, we attended Hawthorne, where 2/3 of its population eventually headed to East. I was in the 1/3 heading for West.

Overall, I enjoyed junior high. Sure, like most 12-14 year-olds I was bullied a bit – especially early on when I needed to prove myself as the only girl trumpet player in the band (for more on my bullying experience:    http://katiekolbergmemmel.blogspot.com/2013/01/bullying-just-some-thoughts.html ), but once the director and those around me saw I could play, a certain respect was established. Not only was I a band member, but also gave up some of my lunch periods in order to sing in the choir. After school, I joined Modern Dance, and loved making up routines with the other girls. We formed a fan club, and attended all of the football and basketball games. On rare occasions, when the school held a dance or a festival, I loved and participated with all of that as well.

By the end of ninth grade, the inevitable pending split loomed. I felt that my world was about to end. Most of the friends I’d made at Hawthorne were going to East. I was the only one in that group of a dozen girls that was going to West. I was sure my heart would break. On the last day of ninth grade, one of the girls hosted a party in her backyard. When my mother came to pick me up, I cried so hard… absolutely sobbed.  

Speaking of my mother… my parents were not the type who would have ever made a phone call or filled out paperwork on my behalf to request a school change, or request anything other than whatever the rule was. So, because our family home fell in West’s district, West would be our school, and we best make it work. I’m sure she felt a little bad for me; I mean nobody enjoys seeing their children cry, right? But when the phone rang later that afternoon, and our neighbor lady asked if I could babysit that night, Mom insisted I go make the money. No sense sitting in my room crying, dwelling on what had happened, and what would never be. At that time, I can remember thinking her hard-as-nails approach was rather harsh... but was it? 

During that summer (1976) I had an absolute blast. I was awarded a scholarship to attend a two-week music clinic in Madison, where we stayed in the dorms, ate in the dining halls, attended music classes, and performed final concerts. When I got there, I didn’t know anybody. By the time I left, I had made life-long friends. There is one girl (now woman) I met there who I count as one of my best friends, to this day. A few weeks later, I served as a counselor at 4-H camp. I took my guitar, and led the singing at night, around the campfire. After a few more experiences such as these, I began to realize that it’s actually fun sometimes to not go places in a big group of friends. Sometimes, when we go somewhere by ourselves, we meet more new people, and make more new friends.

By the time I got to West that fall and began tenth grade, I felt more comfortable about meeting new people. Yes, it took a little time because good friendships don’t happen overnight. The first group of girls I met did not become my best friends, but they helped to bridge some of my spare time. Eventually, we get a feel for things, and gravitate toward those around whom we feel the most comfortable. Shortly after the holidays, I was assigned to a project in my German class with a couple of girls. I swear… I never laughed so hard in my life. The three of us became fast friends, and started to spend a lot of time together, both in and out of school. These two are also both good friends of mine, to this day. Finally, because high school band is such a big commitment, some of my very best friends were also in band. The guy trumpet player, with whom I shared my music stand in tenth grade, remains one of my best friends. Todd and I attended his son’s wedding last fall, 2017. 

I agree that there can be awkward first impressions, and we can feel strange or left out at times. But we need to keep trying. These experiences can open our eyes, and make us feel compassion for “the new kid(s).” When we’re always comfortable, when we’re always with our own friends, we’re hesitant to open up our safe little circles to someone new. I’d like to say that that kind of thinking can be a mistake. We may not hit it off with every new kid, but it’s right to let them know they’re welcome anyway.

Think about this… when we’re with the same people all of the time, when we all share the exact same experiences, there’s not that much to talk about. But when you go away for a bit, and come back with new perspectives and experiences, it can be very interesting – AND a fantastic feeling.

Remember, times that test us make us stronger. I found that I’m good as part of a group. I also found that I’m possibly even better sometimes when I’m by myself. I think that the balance can be found in that old song/saying, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.”

As you send your kids back to school this fall, I wish them God’s every blessing – whether they’ll be surrounded by current friends, or whether they’re thrust into making a whole new group. Whatever they learn, I believe they’ll be better for it.

Here's to a brand new school year!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of three books: “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference”; “Silly Stories and Sentimental Stuff”; and “From This Day Forward…” All are available in paperback and in electronic form. You can order her books and learn more about Katie, her family, and her writing at her website: