Remembering Mom on Mother's Day...

My mom passed away in February of 2003. I expressed in my book, “Five Fingers, Ten Toes…” that I don’t think I did enough grieving about it at the time. She’d been ill for quite some time, so her passing was expected. Not only that, but I had two teenagers in the house and life moved on very quickly.

I don’t know if this is normal or not, (where grief is concerned, what is normal, right?) but there have only been a couple of times in ten years where I’ve really, really missed her – like deep-down sadness overwhelms me and I miss her. One of those times was while I prepared to host a bridal shower in my home. I knew how passionately Mom would have loved attending that shower and wedding, and the pain of that missed opportunity overtook me. And again, this week, has been rough on me as well. Since there’s no big event (like a bridal shower) coming up, I can only assume my emotions hit hard because the number ten (years since her passing) seems so significant. Mother’s Day is this Sunday, so she’s in my thoughts more than usual. I don’t know, I’m guessing.

One thing is certain. When I got to thinking about her, I decided I wanted to share a few of my thoughts here on the blog.

I think that a lot of little girls are ‘daddy’s girls.’ But I wasn’t. Though I presently get along great with my dad, back then I think I was more of a ‘mom’s girl.’ I liked the time she and I spent together; and since my siblings are all significantly older than me, and my dad worked a lot, Mom and I spent a whole lot of time together.

I loved shopping with her. Days spent shopping were always about me – she rarely shopped for herself when we were together. So she’d let me try on clothes, and then go out and exchange sizes for me, rave about how nice something looked, or even admitted it wasn’t ‘for me.’ But whatever she said, I knew I could believe her. No ‘pity likes’ from my mother. And then as long as we were out, she’d say, “Well, we may as well grab some lunch/dinner! Why, it would be silly to go all the way home now, right?” (She winked)

Whenever I went away to a camp or an event for a few days, as soon as I got back I’d fill her in on all the fun stuff I experienced, and all the great people I met. She was a wonderful listener – something that’s truly lacking in our busy world today. I realize now that being a good listener is something I strive for in my own life – I probably got that gift from her. She’d say, “Kate, a good conversation is like a game of catch. Sometimes you throw the ball (talk) and sometimes you catch the ball (listen). But if both people don’t follow the rules, the game (conversation) falls flat.” Wise words… I try to live up to that idea to this day in my own dealings and conversations

When I was a young teenager, I didn’t enjoy babysitting very much. One family in particular gave me a real ‘run for my money’ (so to speak). I told my mom the next morning that the five-year-old boy had yelled at me, “I hate you!”  She asked me how I handled it and I said I didn’t know what to say. She offered as advice, “If he ever does that again, just smile at him and say, well I like you.” At the time I thought she was sort of nuts, but since she raised four kids, maybe she knew what she was talking about.

When I was in high school, I filled her in on all of the up-and-coming hot young musical artists. I think she liked Billy Joel because I liked Billy Joel, but she was never quite clear on what some of those lyrics meant… As we did the dishes at night, with just the kitchen radio as our background, I’d tell her about Fleetwood Mac and Elton John (this was still back in the 70’s – before so many public revelations were made or confessed).

And I must say that in relation to issues of boys and dating – my mother could have personally written the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You…”  (Minus the sex references, of course)  She had male/female behaviors nailed down to a tea. “Don’t call boys, Kate – if they are interested, they’ll call you.” I must admit that I didn’t always heed her wise words; but in hindsight I should have - could have. I now believe she was right about a whole lot of things.

It was that wisdom I missed most while raising my own two children. How I would have loved to ask her a million questions about raising kids – teens especially. Nothing seemed as terrible once I voiced it to Mom. She’d usually say something like, “Oh yeah, that’s normal. Why, one time…” and she’d have an anecdote that eased the tough situation.

But she passed away at age 74 – relatively young in today’s years. My siblings reaped more of her good advice on child raising than I did. I figured it was a good thing I’d listened attentively years ago when I was young, and had the chance.

Anyway – I just wanted to take this pre- Mother’s Day time to chat a bit about my mom and why I thought she was special. Now that I’m 51 and I can see my own personality traits so clearly, (some lovely, some more terrifying ;) ) I realize that my mom passed some great wisdom on to me. Some I used instantly and have used throughout most of my life. Some I’m just seeing clearly now for the first time.

There were certainly times she possessed the ability to infuriate me. I believe I possessed the same ability for her some days. But, just like the advice she gave to me about the boy I babysat, I like to think of her smiling, winking, and saying, “Well, I like you…”    Anyway…

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! I miss you and I’ll love you always…