Golf or Gold?

My brother, Dan, and me at the GKO

 

Minus my mother, I was born into a family of avid golfers. Everyone else thoroughly enjoys a good round of ’18.’ Both of my brothers earned their early-life’s livings as caddies at a country club. As a child, I’d sit at the dinner table and listen to my father (who is usually a quiet man) talk at length about birdies, bogies, and pars, fairways, greens and tees. I heard jokes about golfers and their obsessions with the game, but never quite understood the punch lines. Since I was significantly younger than the rest of my siblings, the jury was out on whether or not I’d share their passion for ye old ‘balls and clubs’ routine, so I stored all of the information somewhere in the back of my mind, saving it for a rainy day. 

Let me say this… I wanted to like golf, I really did. After all, it seemed like the right thing to do. At first glance the game appeared amazing - played outside on immaculately-groomed lush green lawns, with sunny cloudless blue skies above… (sigh) When I’d drive by a course on the roadway, players appeared calm, relaxed, well-dressed (in a weird sort of way). No one seemed to be running, sweating or swearing. Since I’m not a big fan of any of those things, I was anxious to give it a go. I mean, who wouldn’t be, right?

The whole ritual appeared simple. I was told to approach the ball, address it. So when I walked up to the first tee of my life and said, “Well hello there, ball,” I don’t think my dad had quite gotten the golfing daughter of his dreams. I tried to choose the right club, but never quite understood the concept. My goal (should I choose to accept it) was to figure out which club would bring me ever-closer to that small hole, hundreds of yards off in the distance. Apparently that numbered flag out there wasn’t just for decoration – no siree! It was my mission – my end – the be all / end all. 
 
I can do this – nothin’ to it! Probably even a ‘hole in one.’

But do not be deceived - golf ain’t as easy as it looks! There is much to consider and much to remember, young Grasshopper. Directions flew fast and furious from more experienced players – even those whose scores weren’t much better than my own. “Let the club rest lightly in one hand; intertwine fingers ‘just so’ with the other hand. Choke up on the club, but not too much. Bend your knees, but just a little!” (A golf instructor once told me to squat as though going to the bathroom – oh yes, yes he did!)

“Keep your eye on the ball – do NOT take your eye off the ball. If you do take your eye off the ball, you’ll never hit the ball – you’ll just whiff at it. (I did and do this often.)  Oh, and keep your left arm straight – but relaxed.” Now, in my mind, ‘straight but relaxed’ is not possible – I feel I should pick one of the two. But no… that theory does not pay off for a good game of golf.

When all of the instructions were followed and aligned perfectly, I heard the club hit the ball with a crack. Thank God!  It flew in a beautiful arc, high and far, and I knew that I was well on my way to the hole. Wow, all of that and I’m still on the first tee. I knew it wasn’t my sport when I started counting down how many more times I’d have to do that before celebrating with a long, tall, cold one!  Hmmm, let’s see here – 9 holes, 10 strokes per hole – I’ll only have to swing 89 more times…

My dad and me on Father's Day, 2013

 

For me, my pre-conceived idea of golf had all been an illusion. I did run. I did sweat. And though I don’t swear often, golf made me feel like breaking my own rule. And from an up-front-and-personal view (no longer on the roadway, but now on the fairway) I witnessed these same unattractive traits in others too.  Note:  My dad, is one of the rare level-headed golfers that I never saw lose his cool or his temper – simply loves the game, come what may. He was a good teacher, despite my own lack of skill. Other family members also fall into this category - overall a family of 'good sports!'

My brother hosts a golf outing each fall which he affectionately nicknamed the Greater Kolberg Open (GKO). For the past 30 years, through windy and rainy (but mostly sunny) days, we have golfed. Not everybody every year – I hadn’t even been pregnant yet when this all started. But I figure once a year, whether I love it or not, I can honor my family’s favorite tradition and get my backside out on the course. With a big smile on my face, I’ve come in last place more times than I can count; but I’ve also made some wonderful high and arc-y shots, and improved from year to year. It feels good to get outside – and even to ‘talk shop’ with the rest of the clan, while we pop open beers and discuss our pars, birdies and bogies, (and for me, lack-of-pars and quadruple or quintuple bogies)  ;)

Some people were born to golf – others of us were born to other things. For me, I’d rather write about the game than play it. But then again, if I’d never played the game, how could I write about it?

And just look at how much fun I’d have missed…

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of "Five Fingers, Ten Toes - A Mother's Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference." For more information about purchasing the book, or about the author, go to her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

 

 

God Bless the Grandparents of the World...

            The truth is that I (pretty much) lived my life without grandparents. My mom’s parents both passed away before I was born. My dad’s parents were alive, but they lived in Oregon.I maybe saw them once a year – maybe! That grandfather died when I was 11 years old, which left my grandma. She continued to live in Oregon, but when she visited our conversations grew a little deeper, and a bit more meaningful. She did get to attend my wedding, but then died less than a month later.

            When I met and married Todd, he still had both full sets of grandparents. It seemed so strange to me to have that constant grandparental influence in his everyday-life, and to have these four older family members as such a large part of all their family’s events and holidays. I never personally had the opportunity to relate to what that grandparent/child/grandchild relationship meant or what its true value was (or even could be).

           My first real glimpse of how sweet the relationship could be was when my sister and her husband had their first child, John. I was only 13 at the time, and probably the youngest ‘aunt’ of everyone I knew. It was fun to see my mom and dad’s reactions to the baby, and how they enjoyed and embraced their new role of grandparents. Since I’m the youngest of four kids, more nephews and finally a couple of nieces followed – each child thought of in some special way by my mom and dad.  

           When my son, Tony, was born in 1985, without a left forearm and hand, our two sets of parents were the first calls Todd made. They all handled the news fine on the phone, but they each told me later that after they hung up, they all shed some tears. I’ve since learned that it’s natural for those who love us (in this case it was our parents) to look inward at a time like that, examining their own family medical histories. They desperately tried to connect some dot from somewhere – anywhere - down some familial blood line that would explain why in the world this had happened to their children (Todd and me) and their brand new grandson (Tony)… sort of a “was it something we ever did?” reaction.

Later that day when I called my mom again, this time from my hospital bed, she tried to talk to me about the baby and what had happened earlier that morning, but I cut her off short, saying I wanted to move past ‘the arm thing,’ and not talk about it ‘anymore.’ Funny to think about that now because it seems that most of my adult life has been spent talking about that very thing - and now I’ve even written a book about it! But on that particular day, I was hurting… and so were our parents. (Here’s a link for more info about the book)

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_13?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=katie%20kolberg%20memmel&sprefix=katie+kolberg%2Caps%2C132&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Akatie%20kolberg%20memmel  

            Ever since I had kids of my own (now mine are grown) I can honestly say that I love those two kids more than I love myself. I’d rather have something of serious consequence happen to me than to either one of them. And I’m sure most good parents feel something similar to that – just like my parents did. When they heard that our child had been born with a ‘birth difference,’ they hurt for us, and questioned what the future might hold for all of us. At that moment if they could have stepped in and endured our worry for us, they probably would have… in a heartbeat.

            But that’s not the way it works - we all need to see our own lives through. The best our parents could do was to be supportive, show us they loved us, stop by, hold the baby, make some lunch, babysit occasionally, lend an open ear and a strong shoulder to lean on once in a while. That’s all any of us can do for each other. But it’s a lot…  

            Since becoming a part of the Lucky Fin Project, I’ve witnessed first-hand the love some of these grandmas and grandpas have for their little grandkids. I’ve found a real soft spot in my heart for the grandparents of this world. From little on, I didn’t really know what that relationship felt like; but as I age, I’m seeing such a beautiful connection between grandparents and their grandkids. I love to step back and watch familial interactions, watch the expressions on their faces, read the love they have in their eyes as they watch the kids run and play, and receive the occasional on-the-fly hug. As many of you know, both of my children have been married since 2009, so I get asked quite often, “Do you have any grandchildren yet?” and I answer, “No, not yet, but I’m sure I’ll enjoy it if I ever have that opportunity. ” Every single person that I know, who is blessed with grandchildren, reiterates how much they enjoy their role of grandma or grandpa or nana or papi or hampa or dramma – whatever their little loved ones happen to call them.

            But one thing is certain… the love runs deep. Grandparents love their own children (just like I admitted to loving my own), and when they look into those brand new little faces of the next generation, it’s like reliving their own early parenting experiences (without the responsibility of parenting) except for that they now deeply love TWO people (three, four, five, whatever the number) more than life itself – their own son or daughter and their brand new grandchild. Those grandmas and grandpas love in the good times and in the very toughest of times. They hurt with us and for us.

Is it possible that the more people we have to love, the more love we seem to have to give? From what I’ve seen, the answer is… yes. God bless the grandparents! 

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference.” For more information, go to her website: www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

A Perfect Marriage...? I don't think so...

            Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. As of September 19, 2013, Todd and I have been married for 32 years. Here’s a photo of us coming out of our church on that gorgeous Saturday afternoon, dodging rice, as the old custom dictated. Doesn’t it look as though we didn’t have a care in the world?  We were both 20 – I’d just turned, and Todd was soon-to-be 21. Wow…

            I received so many beautiful “Congratulations” wishes, along with “May you share many more years…” sorts of notes. Thank you to all who sent those sentiments.  The encouragements are always so… well… encouraging! ;)  I also received several private messages asking me questions like, “What’s your secret?” and “How’d you do it?” I want to thank you for those messages too, because oddly enough, there’ve been some marital thoughts rolling around in my brain for a few weeks now, and your questions finally prompted me to reflect long enough to write them down. 

            If you read my blog posts regularly, then you know that about three weeks ago Todd and I went to an old friend’s daughter’s wedding. (See my post from 8/30/13, entitled “These are the best of days.”)  As we sat in the great big beautiful Catholic church, watching the two youngsters promise and pledge love to each other until the day they pass, I seemed to be paying closer attention than maybe I’d paid in the past. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve always loved a good wedding – but possibly, the older I get, the more years and challenges that Todd and I add to our combined life’s calendar, the more the vows speak to me. Beautiful, but challenging…!    

            Consider these traditional scripture verses (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8) (NRSV) that have been read at most of the weddings I’ve ever attended – Christian or not – because the verses speak about something all humans strive for and crave… “love.”  

            “Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…” 

            So there you have it – to be married for 32 years, Todd and I must be perfect, right??? WRONG!!!   

            These passages reflect God’s perfect thoughts about love, and ‘perfect’ they truly are. As humans, none of us – NONE. OF. US. – can follow these directives perfectly every minute of every day.  Just think about it…  Have you ever lost patience? What unkind things have you said? Have you insisted on having your own way, no matter what? How about irritable – after a long day at work, have you felt the irritation boiling up, maybe to the point of blowing your top? Have you ever felt envious or resented your spouse because something good is happening for them, when nothing good seems to be happening for you? Have you ever thought, “YES! He/she got exactly what she/he deserved! Na na na na na na na…? (No, me neither…) ;)  Have you always held the belief that things will turn out, hoped they’d turn out, endured when things didn’t turn out…?  Because, according to God, love never ends… (it really does say ‘never ends.’)

            Hmmm… So since none of us mere mortals are capable of complete and wonderful patience and kindness, not to mention the rest of this lengthy list, what should we do? 

            Good question – and the answer will vary according to each individual, each couple, each family, and so on. BUT there is a belief and a thought that “love” is not just a thing – not just a noun. A friend of mine once told me that she envisioned ‘patience’ coming over her like a cloak, just falling onto her shoulders and enveloping her, just perfectly. She had to laugh, knowing how unlikely that scene is. Rather, “to love” is a verb. It’s an action – it’s a choice… I choose to love you every single day – even when you’re not that loveable and not that ‘great.’ ;)  I choose patience and kindness even when I’m feeling arrogant or envious or rude. Maybe because I love, I look at a situation from YOUR point of view and ask myself – do I need ‘my own way’ right now, or is he/she right this time…? Tough? You bet! Humbling? Uhhh Yepp! 

            And the whole point of these actions is that BOTH people in the marriage need to act in these ways. I’ll admit that that’s a pretty perfect scenario, and it doesn’t quite happen like that every single time. You may even alternate in these actions sometimes, but both partners need to be plugged in. But when both people can eventually look at things and come to agreements and compromises and apologize and say “I love you,” then marriage grows and stands a good chance.

 

            Years ago, during a Bible study at my church, we looked at some of the passages about “bearing with” each other. And the point was made that you’ve got to remember that while you are trying to grin and bear it with your spouse, they are also bearing with you. You’re not perfect either – no one is.

            So, what am I trying to say here? Well… since no one is perfect – not even you – and certainly not me - and you know and acknowledge that fact, then your marriage stands a chance. If you’ve got someone who loves you, who you believe wants the best for you (most of the time), and is pretty patient and pretty kind (most of the time) and can say, “Hey, I was wrong this time,” (sometimes)… If the person treats you and your children well, then there’s a good chance you can salvage that marriage and make it work (‘work’ being the operative word). Just like patience won’t fall over you like a cloak, neither will a wonderful marriage. It does take some work! It does! But hopefully, in the long run, that work will be worth it and pay off.

            I think that when we keep these 1 Corinthians verses near and close to our daily lives, our chances of a good life with others, increases. And when we keep their author (Christ) at the core and center of ALL of our dealings, it’s actually our only true chance for true success in our relationships. 

            …and (for now) that’s all I’ve got to say about that…  Thanks for asking J  

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference. It is available through Amazon. For more information, go to her website www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

These are the Best of Days!

A couple of months ago, Todd and I received a wedding invitation for this weekend. A dear friend of mine from high school, a guy who I’ve always valued as a great confidante and pal, is going to be walking his lovely first-born child down the aisle. The closer the day gets, the more I’m thinking about their family, and the awesomeness they'll all experience. The closer the day gets, the more I’m also reminiscing about our own family’s wedding experiences as well.  

Todd and I have been through these most precious of wedding weekends twice. Each was totally different from the standpoint that we had one son and one daughter – parental responsibilities totally different for each of our children.

In January of 2009, our son, Tony, married the love of his life, Lesleigh. As soon as they announced their engagement, early plans began forming. Guest lists were assembled, logistics of January-in-Wisconsin (possible snowstorms) guest travel discussed, scouting of a hall suitable to hold the desired amount of guests, things like that.  As the parents of the groom, we had a rehearsal dinner to plan, along with some other commitments that we divided with Lesleigh’s family. I bought an outfit for the big day, Lesleigh announced that she and her mom found “the perfect bridal gown,” and the wedding party, including our daughter and her fiancé, was formed.

During the planning, was there any arguing or wrangling? In a simple word, Yes. Parents, who have been to, and participated in, many-a-wedding, tend to have oodles of advice to dispense. I will admit that much. Not all of the advice is welcomed and embraced. So what’s new? That’s the interaction between kids, parents, and families sometimes. When all was said and done, the plans played out beautifully. (sigh)

The rehearsal dinner that we planned came off without a hitch. We decided on a restaurant, but wanted our own separate room, so that toasts could be easily made and heard. I’ll be real honest – sometimes in my own marriage I’ve wondered what Todd is thinking; but at that rehearsal dinner, in front of 40 or 50 guests, quiet Todd stood up and made the most beautiful speech about marriage, both our own, and the one that Tony and Les would be committing to. That event was one of the very best moments of my life.

The next day, our son stood at the front of the church where he’d been baptized and confirmed, next to the same pastor who baptized and confirmed him. (Rare? Yes. Special? Wow!) Each bridal couple walked down the aisle together, as Tony’s guitar-playing friend played the most beautiful instrumental piece. Finally, Lesleigh appeared in the doorway with her dad. With tears in his eyes, Tony motioned for her to hurry up and get there, he could wait no longer. This made everyone both laugh and cry harder.

January 3, 2009 was truly one of the best days of my life – a day of true joy.

 

And then in December of the same year, just eleven months later, Megan and Joe said “I do.” I shopped with Megan, helping her find the perfect dress. She looked great in just about everything she tried on. But there was this one dress – a little pricier than the rest, yes. But it was Just. So. Beautiful. “Just give this one a try,” I urged.  And Wow! That was it. Just seeing my baby girl standing there in that beautiful white gown brought out the tears. We bought it.

During the wedding preparations, was there any arguing or wrangling? Ummm, yes, a little… after all, we are talking about a mother and a daughter here. Sometimes wires cross and tempers flare. I’ll admit to that much. But again, when all was said and done, the day played out beautifully. (sigh) (again)

Because the wedding was the week before Christmas, we used the poinsettias in the church to our favor. Todd strung extra white twinkle lights through garland, and arranged the flowers along the church altar. People exclaimed, “Wow! That’s how I want my own wedding to look!” We’ll add wedding decorations to Todd’s long list of talents – not really kidding… ;)

Both my daughter and I can tend to be a bit emotional – tears flow pretty easily. But on her wedding day, Megan absolutely beamed. She had a smile on her face from ear to ear. Watching my husband, her daddy, walk her down the aisle of the church and pass her hand to Joe’s, is unlike any experience I can describe. It was highly emotional, that’s for sure. That’s our precious daughter. That’s our little girl. A look passed between Todd and Joe – something like Take care of her – promise me! (Maybe I should add a few more exclamation marks there) TAKE CARE OF HER – PROMISE ME!!!!! Somehow, marrying your daughter is very serious business. J

After the ceremony, in true Megan and Joe fashion, they walked to the back of the church where Joe proceeded to wrap his arms around her and lift her up off her feet – the two looked so happy. Along with Joe’s parents and family, now joining our own, we all ate, danced, drank a glass of beer or wine (or two)… Todd got up and made another amazing toast – this time as “Father of the Bride.” I thought my heart would leap from my chest. He may not say much, but I’ll tell you what – when he wants to, he certainly can say what’s on his mind – beautifully too! Every guest in the room was there to celebrate the joining of our daughter and her new husband. Do days get any better than this? I doubt it.

December 19, 2009, was truly one of the best days of my life – a day of true joy.

So as Todd and I attend our friend’s daughter’s wedding, we reflect back on how it felt for us to celebrate two such joyful weddings of our own. As he walks his little girl down the aisle, we’ll watch if that silent vow is made between him and her new husband, we’ll listen as he toasts the new couple, saying what’s on his heart, and know the joy he’s feeling.

And so… Dear old friend, today I’m thinking of your whole family as you enter this amazing wedding weekend. May it be beautiful and joy-filled!

For what life has to offer, believe me when I say, “These are the best of days!”

God’s Blessings!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of "Five Fingers, Ten Toes - A Mother's Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference." For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

Helping Hands Midwest Picnic

August, 2013 – it cannot possibly be August, 2013!!! I think I blinked and I missed it. The summer is flying by, and the last month has gone especially fast for me. We were not home from our vacation for five days, and we were “On the road again…” (Sing like Willie Nelson)… “We just couldn’t wait to get on that road again…” (Still singing but now with my own made-up lyrics…)  ;) 

Anyway, many months ago Todd and I were invited to attend the “Helping Hands Midwest” picnic in Harrison, Ohio. This picnic day/weekend is a time for families of children with limb differences – along with some adults with limb differences – families and friends to get together. I said to Todd, “We should really go this year. I think it will be great fun to personally meet so many of the people I talk with online every day.”  He consented, of course, and vowed to take a vacation day from his job to drive me to the event. I reserved a hotel room at the Holiday Inn, and began looking forward to what the weekend might hold for us.

From our home in Waukesha, Wis, it proved to be a 6.5 hour drive. Everyone who lives ‘round these parts knows enough to pad their trip times with the reality of (dun dun dun) “Chicago.” How can there be a perpetual traffic jam in Chicago? Winter, spring, summer, fall, morning, noon and night – no matter when we go through Chicago, there’s traffic… hmmm – a blog for another day perhaps???  ;)  Todd and I enjoyed a nice drive. We witnessed a few sights we’d never seen before – our GPS routed us straight through the downtown portion of Indianapolis, which was fun. We also marveled at how pretty southern Indiana becomes, with its green rolling hills.  

It was interesting – from the moment we got to our hotel, I found myself watching for families of kids with “lucky fins” - a.k.a. limb differences.  As parents of kids born with differences, we talk quite often about people who stare at our kids, as well as the range of responses we might use in that type of situation. Yet on that Friday, I was the one staring at our kids! I made sure to smile, hopefully creating a feeling of open communication – hopefully conveying the feeling of ‘I do belong here…'

Ever since the spring of 2009, when I began communicating on the limb difference forum which ultimately led me to write my book, (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=kaite+kolberg+memmel ) I’ve chatted with some of these young families. We’ve exchanged laughs, tears, photos, you name it! So imagine my joy when one young dad, complete with two little girls running beside him and a baby in his arms, got on our elevator.

“Are you J__?” I asked him, knowing full well he was J__.  

“Yes I am…” he responded.

“Is your wife M__?”

“Why, yes she is…!” he said, seeming a bit amazed that a complete stranger knew that fact.

“I’ve chatted with her online for quite a while,” I confessed, not wanting him to think this was somehow creepy or anything.

“Oh, that’s great,” he said. “We were just in our room listening to The Lucky Fin Song, by Tony Memmel. The girls love that song,” he explained.

This exchange was too dear for words and I could resist no longer. “Oh, that’s awesome!” I pointed at Todd and said, “We are Tony’s mom and dad.”

Though we’d never personally met this young dad, he seemed to relax immediately, the smile on his face broadening. The two older girls seemed to love the fact that they’d just met Tony’s parents. And when I actually met M___, we recognized each other immediately and hugged tightly, having bonded long ago with our shared stories of our kids’ births and lives.

And that’s just one example of how the weekend turned out. The picnic’s coordinator, Kim, was so gracious and happy to meet Todd and me, and treated us like a king and queen. After we signed in and they snapped a photograph of our family (above), she offered us a table from which I could sign and sell my books. Todd and I were able to stand back and watch all of the children run and play – not a care in the world that day – playing soccer and baseball, doing crafts, you name it! I met Molly Stapelman, the founder of “The Lucky Fin Project.” We’d communicated via the internet for years, exchanged Christmas greetings via snail mail, and even chatted on the phone. But meeting her, her husband Dan, and her daughters, proved to be a wonderful and enriching experience for me. I chatted with so many other parents too, high-fived a lot of little children with and without limb differences, laughed and even wiped a tear or two.

It’s funny, isn’t it? When you have something like this in common with people, everything else in life fades away. For all the time spent thinking about what to wear or which shoes would be most comfortable, no one seemed to care what anyone looked like or how they were dressed. It didn’t seem to matter where we lived or from which side of the political aisle we hailed.

We all love someone living with a limb difference, and that’s what bonds us.

We talked about important issues - our birthing days, prosthetics, our kids’ first days of school, and did we endure any teasing? How would their child grip a bat or a baseball glove? Might they someday play guitar or another instrument? How would their little girl pull her hair into a ponytail or paint her fingernails? These are some of the hard, pressing topics that plague and bond parents of kids with differences. And though I hadn’t been in the immediate game of child raising for quite some time, those questions had been such a big part of our life for so many years, I found that I fit right in. In fact, people sought and seemed to value my input and my opinion.

But for me personally, what I felt the best about, what I felt most privileged to witness, was how much everyone seemed to like Tony and Lesleigh. The little kids seemed to feel so at ease, talking with him, telling him stories, high-fiving his little arm with their own, strumming his guitar, whatever moved them at the time. Lesleigh did a lot of filming that day, working towards their goal of completing a beautiful music video they’d been working on for the Lucky Fin Project.

When Tony was a little boy, I can’t even tell you how many times I wondered how his life would turn out.  So to watch him with the kids that day, many of whose parents question how their own kids’ futures may play out, I can’t help but marvel at how well things have gone. Will he ever date, find someone to love him? Will he get married? A resounding yes, yes and yes! And not only did he find someone who loves him and wanted to marry him, she works solidly by his side every step of the way. What mom could ever ask for more than that for her kids?

And so, Todd and I drove back home on Sunday feeling motivated, inspired, and moved by all we’d heard and seen over the weekend. Three days later, on Wednesday, I received a private message from Tony in my Facebook inbox, asking us to watch the brand new “Lucky Fin Song” video that he had just finished editing, and to provide him with our feedback. If tears count, then I’d say all of our feedback was positive. He formally released the video on Monday, August 12. You can watch the video here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3Q8pRO_4MI

The truth is that none of us ever knows what lies ahead. We take steps in our lives, never sure of exactly where they’ll lead us or how they’ll turn out. So down the road, when you’re old like me, ;) it is beyond fascinating to be able to look back and weigh out all of the worries and fears, joys and triumphs, and see both of my children’s lives progressing so nicely. We are blessed indeed…

All of us need to take life one step at a time, day by day… but as of today, I just want to say I’m proud of all my kids: Tony, Lesleigh, Megan and Joe - and all of the wonderful work you’re doing in the world. Stay strong and persevere! ...Oh, and always trust...!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference.” It is available through Amazon. For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

Ah, Sweet Vacation... Maybe?

Vacation…

The word alone conjures up dreamy thoughts of relaxation, beautiful scenery, sandy beaches, clear blue water…

But what does it take to actually get there? Funny you should ask.

A while back I wrote a blog post about “Is fun fun? Or is fun work?” and this vacation topic I’ve chosen - actually am currently living through - is a true example of that same theme. My goodness, vacation can be a lot of work. In order to sit quietly in our boat or on a beach, there exists many-a-task we must accomplish to that end.

In order for Todd and I to spend a week on our boat, we divide and conquer our chores. I plan and shop for a good amount of meals. I try to cover all of the basic food groups from fresh fruit and vegetables to meats, breads and dairy. Throw in some M & M’s and a bag of cherry pull-n-peel licorice, and we’re good to go. The trick comes in thinking about how to keep fruit fresh and cold items cold. It’s not always easy storing ten pounds of stuff in a five-pound space. Early in the trip, we dine on luscious green grapes and yellow peaches. Later on we revert to applesauce. We can’t count on every marina along the lake to have a town nearby with a grocery store handy. Much like the wisdom of Forrest Gump, “Ya never know what you’re gonna get…”

I launder all of our clothes, count out underwear and sock choices for eight days, always planning for an extra day, “just in case” since most boaters have taken an unexpected plunge into the water at least once. Will the weather be hot? Pack the swimsuits. Will it be cold with gale-force winds? Pack the parka. From past experience, we know we can expect a little of each.

Once all of our food and clothing items are packed into our boat (which is an especially enjoyable task in 90-degree heat) I wipe the sweat from my brow, feeling much more settled and ready. So I help Todd, whose list is much more lengthy than my own. He needs to be prepared with tools and extra this-n-that’s. Since we’ll be towing an 11,000-pound load, he likes to be ready for just about anything and everything. We’ve been around the block enough times to know that even though these trips are designed for relaxation, one can only truly relax if we’re 100 percent prepared (which we all know isn’t really possible).

So on a stifling hot July Friday, we finally pulled out of our driveway at 12:30 p.m. I texted our kids, “We’re on the road – geez what a production! Let the good times roll.” Twenty minutes later, our Suburban made a loud noise, and we realized we’d had a blow-out on its rear passenger tire. This cannot be good I thought to myself. Either we’re getting our bad experiences out of the way early, or we’ll be barraged with trouble throughout the week. Whoever even knows, you know?

So Todd cranked the handle that removes our boat trailer from the Burb and began the grueling sweaty task of jacking up our vehicle and changing the tire. Did I mention how hot it was? From lying on the pavement, poor Todd now has asphalt embedded into his shoulder blades. Thank goodness we were effortlessly able to find air for the tire and even another spare, so we suddenly felt lucky and blessed. Maybe we really are getting all of the bad out of the way early… (Maybe…?)

We made it through Milwaukee and traveled two-thirds of the way to our destination when all of a sudden the rear driver’s tire blew. Oh man, are ya kiddin’ me???  Thankfully the tire blew near a freeway off-ramp, and we were able to get off and find a parking lot for Todd to repeat his entire routine yet again. This time, no spare tire was available.

We placed a call to the people we’d be boating with for the upcoming week, letting them know we were definitely running late. They were sympathetic and helpful as always, assuring us that one of them had a spare for us, should we need another. They were having the exact opposite type of day than us. They’d spent their hot July Friday lounging by the marina’s pool, as they decided what they might eat for dinner that night. Oh to be lounging, oh to be planning menus…

Todd and I had a decision to make. Should we count two blow-outs as an omen, cut our losses and head home - a two-hour drive back, chancing the same problems we’d already encountered? Or should we proceed on the road ahead and hope for the best…?

Well, we continued on, of course. We usually do. After all, we planned for this vacation all year long. Giving up at that point would have brought a sick feeling all its own. By 6 p.m. – only three hours late - we got to our destination hot and tired; but our calm, cool friends were there waiting for us, smiling and helpful – and they’d even waited to have dinner with us too.

So, to wrap up this blog entry, I’d like to say that though my dutiful and exhausting preparations of food and clothing are needed, the true challenge comes in the mechanics of this whole operation. We felt very blessed and fortunate to have made it through two blow-outs without injury – either to ourselves or to anyone else. All the waxing of fiberglass and staining of teak that Todd worked on through this past spring didn’t matter a fig if the tires or an engine aren’t running properly. Just like people, physical beauty only goes so far – it’s what exists down deep that matters. Once that’s in order, the rest falls into place.

And a special shout-out to the members of the Waukesha Cruise Fleet, our boating club, who are always so helpful. After a long, hot day it felt great to have you waiting for us.  Thank you!

Oh, and you can bet there’ll be more vacation stories to come – as they unfold! J

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference. For more information, visit her website: www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

"Positively Milwaukee..." Wow!

Well, hello there!

It’s been a few weeks since I posted a new blog.  I ask you with complete sincerity - Where in the world is this summer going? My goodness, it’s flying by, isn’t it? We’re a whole week past the 4^th of July already. And it’s not that I haven’t been writing. I HAVE!!! I started one thing, then jumped to the next thing, hopped over to the next thing… YIKES! So many random thoughts, so little time… my mind can be a busy (a.k.a. scary) place some days.

As many of you know, we also had something interesting happen here at the Memmel house. I struggled with whether or not I should blog about it, but in the end I decided what the h*ck! It’s good news, and our world comes up plenty short on good news most days.

For the last two-thirds of a year or so, I’ve worked with diligence to get the word out about my book, “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference.”  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_20?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=katie+kolberg+memmel&sprefix=katie+kolberg+memmel%2Caps%2C172   Many of you have already read it, and for that I am pleased and very grateful. But I know, I just KNOW, there are so many more families living with situations that I believe could benefit from hearing our family’s story.

And so I persist. As a new author I know that if I don’t speak up on my book’s behalf, then how will people learn about it? How will they know it exists? Consequently, I’ve contacted an assortment of old friends and acquaintances from the many avenues of life that my five (count ‘em, five, it’s true!) decades of living have introduced me to. Most of these people remember me and the fact that I had a child born with one arm, so it’s not that crazy of a notion. It’s been so much fun to reconnect with many of them, and to catch up on their own lives and familial happenings.

One dream I had was to be able to get our story on television.  So far in his career, Tony’s been interviewed a number of times, sharing his own motivations for playing music and living life; but I also wanted to let people know that a solid, real book now exists about how things happened for us – our family - not just present day, but years ago… at the very beginning. That is a story that so many young moms and dads need to hear when they begin their own journeys of raising children that possibly face challenges – not just limb differences, but all challenges. How does all of this feel from a young parent’s perspective? How do I let people know that they’re not ‘alone out there’… that others have been there… that I’ve been there too…?

I believe that the internet has helped in this process. Addresses, phone numbers, e-mail, Facebook – it’s all much more accessible than ever before. And yet I’m not gonna lie - it’s tough to break through. I tossed my hat into a multitude of rings, with no tangible way of knowing how many other interesting and amazing hats were tossed ahead of mine. Still, I have something to say that I truly believe in - so I keep trying to find people who’ll really listen to and hear me.   

One night before bed I checked my e-mail. Imagine my excitement when I received word that our local NBC news channel, TMJ4, wanted to record a news piece for their “Positively Milwaukee” segment. Wonderful! Exciting! Oh sure, you betchya! ;)

The news anchor, Carole Meekins, and I exchanged dates and times, arranging our interview day. We established that the filming would happen at our house. With less than a week to prepare, I would soon be hosting a TMJ4 news anchor and cameraman in my living room. I had one major question: What shall I clean first???

But seriously, I tried to keep it all in perspective. Since I was relatively sure neither of my guests would be checking my closets for clutter, or my cupboards for cleanliness, I decided to concentrate on the real deal… What are my main objectives for this interview? How can I fight my own feelings of nervousness to get my point across to my community, as well as anyone else this might reach someday? What should I wear…? ;) (Not really kidding… right ladies?)

And so I did clean the house – of course I did. Having a nice, presentable area can create a sense of confidence for me. But I also did something else. I prayed. I prayed because I realized that none of this is really about me. It is and it isn’t. Yes, I lived it. Yes, Todd and I raised two great kids. Yes, we loved and disciplined our parental b*tts off ;)  But there is an entire behind-the-scenes story to tell here… a story of trusting in my Creator; a story of believing that all things will work together for the good of those who love God; a story of believing that there’s a larger purpose to what happens to me and those I love; a larger purpose to ‘’what I have to say’ than simply ‘what I have to say.’ What does God want me to say?

And so I asked Him. I asked Him to give me a good experience that day – for wisdom, confidence and ability, calmness and a clean house, and something nice to wear and … I think you get the picture. In those few moments of stillness, before the news folk got here, I believe He encouraged me to spend some time quieting down, to review my book – to re-look at and refresh myself with what I’d written, what it meant, and the manner in which I said it. And wouldn’t you know… when Carole and her cameraman (Jim) showed up, I felt pretty good!?  They were both so nice, kind, easy to chat with. I’d had nothing to fear. After all, I have the best coach in the universe.

After their visit, Carole Meekins contacted me and said that there was so much good information they’d like to split the interview into two sections – two Mondays in a row. One would focus more on Tony, and the other one more on me.  The opportunity went from one segment to two. Wow, you know? …  I’ve included the links here – just in case you haven’t seen them yet.

Part One – Aired July 1, 2013:

http://www.todaystmj4.com/features/positivelymilwaukee/213901021.html?lc=Smart

Part Two – Aired July 8, 2013:

http://www.todaystmj4.com/features/positivelymilwaukee/214673981.html

At this middle-aged time of my life, I feel like I’ve learned so many things. If you have a good idea, something that feels inspired, it probably is. Persist with the idea – no one will know about it unless you tell them. Be ready. Prepare. And Pray. One way or another, things will turn out exactly as they should.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my experience with you all. I hope that this finds each of you actively engaged in some sort of good or fun summertime experience.

And until I write again… God’s Blessings!

For more information on  Katie Kolberg Memmel, go to her website: www.katiekolbergmemmel.com