These are the Best of Days!

A couple of months ago, Todd and I received a wedding invitation for this weekend. A dear friend of mine from high school, a guy who I’ve always valued as a great confidante and pal, is going to be walking his lovely first-born child down the aisle. The closer the day gets, the more I’m thinking about their family, and the awesomeness they'll all experience. The closer the day gets, the more I’m also reminiscing about our own family’s wedding experiences as well.  

Todd and I have been through these most precious of wedding weekends twice. Each was totally different from the standpoint that we had one son and one daughter – parental responsibilities totally different for each of our children.

In January of 2009, our son, Tony, married the love of his life, Lesleigh. As soon as they announced their engagement, early plans began forming. Guest lists were assembled, logistics of January-in-Wisconsin (possible snowstorms) guest travel discussed, scouting of a hall suitable to hold the desired amount of guests, things like that.  As the parents of the groom, we had a rehearsal dinner to plan, along with some other commitments that we divided with Lesleigh’s family. I bought an outfit for the big day, Lesleigh announced that she and her mom found “the perfect bridal gown,” and the wedding party, including our daughter and her fiancé, was formed.

During the planning, was there any arguing or wrangling? In a simple word, Yes. Parents, who have been to, and participated in, many-a-wedding, tend to have oodles of advice to dispense. I will admit that much. Not all of the advice is welcomed and embraced. So what’s new? That’s the interaction between kids, parents, and families sometimes. When all was said and done, the plans played out beautifully. (sigh)

The rehearsal dinner that we planned came off without a hitch. We decided on a restaurant, but wanted our own separate room, so that toasts could be easily made and heard. I’ll be real honest – sometimes in my own marriage I’ve wondered what Todd is thinking; but at that rehearsal dinner, in front of 40 or 50 guests, quiet Todd stood up and made the most beautiful speech about marriage, both our own, and the one that Tony and Les would be committing to. That event was one of the very best moments of my life.

The next day, our son stood at the front of the church where he’d been baptized and confirmed, next to the same pastor who baptized and confirmed him. (Rare? Yes. Special? Wow!) Each bridal couple walked down the aisle together, as Tony’s guitar-playing friend played the most beautiful instrumental piece. Finally, Lesleigh appeared in the doorway with her dad. With tears in his eyes, Tony motioned for her to hurry up and get there, he could wait no longer. This made everyone both laugh and cry harder.

January 3, 2009 was truly one of the best days of my life – a day of true joy.

 

And then in December of the same year, just eleven months later, Megan and Joe said “I do.” I shopped with Megan, helping her find the perfect dress. She looked great in just about everything she tried on. But there was this one dress – a little pricier than the rest, yes. But it was Just. So. Beautiful. “Just give this one a try,” I urged.  And Wow! That was it. Just seeing my baby girl standing there in that beautiful white gown brought out the tears. We bought it.

During the wedding preparations, was there any arguing or wrangling? Ummm, yes, a little… after all, we are talking about a mother and a daughter here. Sometimes wires cross and tempers flare. I’ll admit to that much. But again, when all was said and done, the day played out beautifully. (sigh) (again)

Because the wedding was the week before Christmas, we used the poinsettias in the church to our favor. Todd strung extra white twinkle lights through garland, and arranged the flowers along the church altar. People exclaimed, “Wow! That’s how I want my own wedding to look!” We’ll add wedding decorations to Todd’s long list of talents – not really kidding… ;)

Both my daughter and I can tend to be a bit emotional – tears flow pretty easily. But on her wedding day, Megan absolutely beamed. She had a smile on her face from ear to ear. Watching my husband, her daddy, walk her down the aisle of the church and pass her hand to Joe’s, is unlike any experience I can describe. It was highly emotional, that’s for sure. That’s our precious daughter. That’s our little girl. A look passed between Todd and Joe – something like Take care of her – promise me! (Maybe I should add a few more exclamation marks there) TAKE CARE OF HER – PROMISE ME!!!!! Somehow, marrying your daughter is very serious business. J

After the ceremony, in true Megan and Joe fashion, they walked to the back of the church where Joe proceeded to wrap his arms around her and lift her up off her feet – the two looked so happy. Along with Joe’s parents and family, now joining our own, we all ate, danced, drank a glass of beer or wine (or two)… Todd got up and made another amazing toast – this time as “Father of the Bride.” I thought my heart would leap from my chest. He may not say much, but I’ll tell you what – when he wants to, he certainly can say what’s on his mind – beautifully too! Every guest in the room was there to celebrate the joining of our daughter and her new husband. Do days get any better than this? I doubt it.

December 19, 2009, was truly one of the best days of my life – a day of true joy.

So as Todd and I attend our friend’s daughter’s wedding, we reflect back on how it felt for us to celebrate two such joyful weddings of our own. As he walks his little girl down the aisle, we’ll watch if that silent vow is made between him and her new husband, we’ll listen as he toasts the new couple, saying what’s on his heart, and know the joy he’s feeling.

And so… Dear old friend, today I’m thinking of your whole family as you enter this amazing wedding weekend. May it be beautiful and joy-filled!

For what life has to offer, believe me when I say, “These are the best of days!”

God’s Blessings!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of "Five Fingers, Ten Toes - A Mother's Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference." For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

Helping Hands Midwest Picnic

August, 2013 – it cannot possibly be August, 2013!!! I think I blinked and I missed it. The summer is flying by, and the last month has gone especially fast for me. We were not home from our vacation for five days, and we were “On the road again…” (Sing like Willie Nelson)… “We just couldn’t wait to get on that road again…” (Still singing but now with my own made-up lyrics…)  ;) 

Anyway, many months ago Todd and I were invited to attend the “Helping Hands Midwest” picnic in Harrison, Ohio. This picnic day/weekend is a time for families of children with limb differences – along with some adults with limb differences – families and friends to get together. I said to Todd, “We should really go this year. I think it will be great fun to personally meet so many of the people I talk with online every day.”  He consented, of course, and vowed to take a vacation day from his job to drive me to the event. I reserved a hotel room at the Holiday Inn, and began looking forward to what the weekend might hold for us.

From our home in Waukesha, Wis, it proved to be a 6.5 hour drive. Everyone who lives ‘round these parts knows enough to pad their trip times with the reality of (dun dun dun) “Chicago.” How can there be a perpetual traffic jam in Chicago? Winter, spring, summer, fall, morning, noon and night – no matter when we go through Chicago, there’s traffic… hmmm – a blog for another day perhaps???  ;)  Todd and I enjoyed a nice drive. We witnessed a few sights we’d never seen before – our GPS routed us straight through the downtown portion of Indianapolis, which was fun. We also marveled at how pretty southern Indiana becomes, with its green rolling hills.  

It was interesting – from the moment we got to our hotel, I found myself watching for families of kids with “lucky fins” - a.k.a. limb differences.  As parents of kids born with differences, we talk quite often about people who stare at our kids, as well as the range of responses we might use in that type of situation. Yet on that Friday, I was the one staring at our kids! I made sure to smile, hopefully creating a feeling of open communication – hopefully conveying the feeling of ‘I do belong here…'

Ever since the spring of 2009, when I began communicating on the limb difference forum which ultimately led me to write my book, (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=kaite+kolberg+memmel ) I’ve chatted with some of these young families. We’ve exchanged laughs, tears, photos, you name it! So imagine my joy when one young dad, complete with two little girls running beside him and a baby in his arms, got on our elevator.

“Are you J__?” I asked him, knowing full well he was J__.  

“Yes I am…” he responded.

“Is your wife M__?”

“Why, yes she is…!” he said, seeming a bit amazed that a complete stranger knew that fact.

“I’ve chatted with her online for quite a while,” I confessed, not wanting him to think this was somehow creepy or anything.

“Oh, that’s great,” he said. “We were just in our room listening to The Lucky Fin Song, by Tony Memmel. The girls love that song,” he explained.

This exchange was too dear for words and I could resist no longer. “Oh, that’s awesome!” I pointed at Todd and said, “We are Tony’s mom and dad.”

Though we’d never personally met this young dad, he seemed to relax immediately, the smile on his face broadening. The two older girls seemed to love the fact that they’d just met Tony’s parents. And when I actually met M___, we recognized each other immediately and hugged tightly, having bonded long ago with our shared stories of our kids’ births and lives.

And that’s just one example of how the weekend turned out. The picnic’s coordinator, Kim, was so gracious and happy to meet Todd and me, and treated us like a king and queen. After we signed in and they snapped a photograph of our family (above), she offered us a table from which I could sign and sell my books. Todd and I were able to stand back and watch all of the children run and play – not a care in the world that day – playing soccer and baseball, doing crafts, you name it! I met Molly Stapelman, the founder of “The Lucky Fin Project.” We’d communicated via the internet for years, exchanged Christmas greetings via snail mail, and even chatted on the phone. But meeting her, her husband Dan, and her daughters, proved to be a wonderful and enriching experience for me. I chatted with so many other parents too, high-fived a lot of little children with and without limb differences, laughed and even wiped a tear or two.

It’s funny, isn’t it? When you have something like this in common with people, everything else in life fades away. For all the time spent thinking about what to wear or which shoes would be most comfortable, no one seemed to care what anyone looked like or how they were dressed. It didn’t seem to matter where we lived or from which side of the political aisle we hailed.

We all love someone living with a limb difference, and that’s what bonds us.

We talked about important issues - our birthing days, prosthetics, our kids’ first days of school, and did we endure any teasing? How would their child grip a bat or a baseball glove? Might they someday play guitar or another instrument? How would their little girl pull her hair into a ponytail or paint her fingernails? These are some of the hard, pressing topics that plague and bond parents of kids with differences. And though I hadn’t been in the immediate game of child raising for quite some time, those questions had been such a big part of our life for so many years, I found that I fit right in. In fact, people sought and seemed to value my input and my opinion.

But for me personally, what I felt the best about, what I felt most privileged to witness, was how much everyone seemed to like Tony and Lesleigh. The little kids seemed to feel so at ease, talking with him, telling him stories, high-fiving his little arm with their own, strumming his guitar, whatever moved them at the time. Lesleigh did a lot of filming that day, working towards their goal of completing a beautiful music video they’d been working on for the Lucky Fin Project.

When Tony was a little boy, I can’t even tell you how many times I wondered how his life would turn out.  So to watch him with the kids that day, many of whose parents question how their own kids’ futures may play out, I can’t help but marvel at how well things have gone. Will he ever date, find someone to love him? Will he get married? A resounding yes, yes and yes! And not only did he find someone who loves him and wanted to marry him, she works solidly by his side every step of the way. What mom could ever ask for more than that for her kids?

And so, Todd and I drove back home on Sunday feeling motivated, inspired, and moved by all we’d heard and seen over the weekend. Three days later, on Wednesday, I received a private message from Tony in my Facebook inbox, asking us to watch the brand new “Lucky Fin Song” video that he had just finished editing, and to provide him with our feedback. If tears count, then I’d say all of our feedback was positive. He formally released the video on Monday, August 12. You can watch the video here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3Q8pRO_4MI

The truth is that none of us ever knows what lies ahead. We take steps in our lives, never sure of exactly where they’ll lead us or how they’ll turn out. So down the road, when you’re old like me, ;) it is beyond fascinating to be able to look back and weigh out all of the worries and fears, joys and triumphs, and see both of my children’s lives progressing so nicely. We are blessed indeed…

All of us need to take life one step at a time, day by day… but as of today, I just want to say I’m proud of all my kids: Tony, Lesleigh, Megan and Joe - and all of the wonderful work you’re doing in the world. Stay strong and persevere! ...Oh, and always trust...!

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born with a Limb Difference.” It is available through Amazon. For more information, visit her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

Ah, Sweet Vacation... Maybe?

Vacation…

The word alone conjures up dreamy thoughts of relaxation, beautiful scenery, sandy beaches, clear blue water…

But what does it take to actually get there? Funny you should ask.

A while back I wrote a blog post about “Is fun fun? Or is fun work?” and this vacation topic I’ve chosen - actually am currently living through - is a true example of that same theme. My goodness, vacation can be a lot of work. In order to sit quietly in our boat or on a beach, there exists many-a-task we must accomplish to that end.

In order for Todd and I to spend a week on our boat, we divide and conquer our chores. I plan and shop for a good amount of meals. I try to cover all of the basic food groups from fresh fruit and vegetables to meats, breads and dairy. Throw in some M & M’s and a bag of cherry pull-n-peel licorice, and we’re good to go. The trick comes in thinking about how to keep fruit fresh and cold items cold. It’s not always easy storing ten pounds of stuff in a five-pound space. Early in the trip, we dine on luscious green grapes and yellow peaches. Later on we revert to applesauce. We can’t count on every marina along the lake to have a town nearby with a grocery store handy. Much like the wisdom of Forrest Gump, “Ya never know what you’re gonna get…”

I launder all of our clothes, count out underwear and sock choices for eight days, always planning for an extra day, “just in case” since most boaters have taken an unexpected plunge into the water at least once. Will the weather be hot? Pack the swimsuits. Will it be cold with gale-force winds? Pack the parka. From past experience, we know we can expect a little of each.

Once all of our food and clothing items are packed into our boat (which is an especially enjoyable task in 90-degree heat) I wipe the sweat from my brow, feeling much more settled and ready. So I help Todd, whose list is much more lengthy than my own. He needs to be prepared with tools and extra this-n-that’s. Since we’ll be towing an 11,000-pound load, he likes to be ready for just about anything and everything. We’ve been around the block enough times to know that even though these trips are designed for relaxation, one can only truly relax if we’re 100 percent prepared (which we all know isn’t really possible).

So on a stifling hot July Friday, we finally pulled out of our driveway at 12:30 p.m. I texted our kids, “We’re on the road – geez what a production! Let the good times roll.” Twenty minutes later, our Suburban made a loud noise, and we realized we’d had a blow-out on its rear passenger tire. This cannot be good I thought to myself. Either we’re getting our bad experiences out of the way early, or we’ll be barraged with trouble throughout the week. Whoever even knows, you know?

So Todd cranked the handle that removes our boat trailer from the Burb and began the grueling sweaty task of jacking up our vehicle and changing the tire. Did I mention how hot it was? From lying on the pavement, poor Todd now has asphalt embedded into his shoulder blades. Thank goodness we were effortlessly able to find air for the tire and even another spare, so we suddenly felt lucky and blessed. Maybe we really are getting all of the bad out of the way early… (Maybe…?)

We made it through Milwaukee and traveled two-thirds of the way to our destination when all of a sudden the rear driver’s tire blew. Oh man, are ya kiddin’ me???  Thankfully the tire blew near a freeway off-ramp, and we were able to get off and find a parking lot for Todd to repeat his entire routine yet again. This time, no spare tire was available.

We placed a call to the people we’d be boating with for the upcoming week, letting them know we were definitely running late. They were sympathetic and helpful as always, assuring us that one of them had a spare for us, should we need another. They were having the exact opposite type of day than us. They’d spent their hot July Friday lounging by the marina’s pool, as they decided what they might eat for dinner that night. Oh to be lounging, oh to be planning menus…

Todd and I had a decision to make. Should we count two blow-outs as an omen, cut our losses and head home - a two-hour drive back, chancing the same problems we’d already encountered? Or should we proceed on the road ahead and hope for the best…?

Well, we continued on, of course. We usually do. After all, we planned for this vacation all year long. Giving up at that point would have brought a sick feeling all its own. By 6 p.m. – only three hours late - we got to our destination hot and tired; but our calm, cool friends were there waiting for us, smiling and helpful – and they’d even waited to have dinner with us too.

So, to wrap up this blog entry, I’d like to say that though my dutiful and exhausting preparations of food and clothing are needed, the true challenge comes in the mechanics of this whole operation. We felt very blessed and fortunate to have made it through two blow-outs without injury – either to ourselves or to anyone else. All the waxing of fiberglass and staining of teak that Todd worked on through this past spring didn’t matter a fig if the tires or an engine aren’t running properly. Just like people, physical beauty only goes so far – it’s what exists down deep that matters. Once that’s in order, the rest falls into place.

And a special shout-out to the members of the Waukesha Cruise Fleet, our boating club, who are always so helpful. After a long, hot day it felt great to have you waiting for us.  Thank you!

Oh, and you can bet there’ll be more vacation stories to come – as they unfold! J

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference. For more information, visit her website: www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

"Positively Milwaukee..." Wow!

Well, hello there!

It’s been a few weeks since I posted a new blog.  I ask you with complete sincerity - Where in the world is this summer going? My goodness, it’s flying by, isn’t it? We’re a whole week past the 4^th of July already. And it’s not that I haven’t been writing. I HAVE!!! I started one thing, then jumped to the next thing, hopped over to the next thing… YIKES! So many random thoughts, so little time… my mind can be a busy (a.k.a. scary) place some days.

As many of you know, we also had something interesting happen here at the Memmel house. I struggled with whether or not I should blog about it, but in the end I decided what the h*ck! It’s good news, and our world comes up plenty short on good news most days.

For the last two-thirds of a year or so, I’ve worked with diligence to get the word out about my book, “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference.”  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_20?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=katie+kolberg+memmel&sprefix=katie+kolberg+memmel%2Caps%2C172   Many of you have already read it, and for that I am pleased and very grateful. But I know, I just KNOW, there are so many more families living with situations that I believe could benefit from hearing our family’s story.

And so I persist. As a new author I know that if I don’t speak up on my book’s behalf, then how will people learn about it? How will they know it exists? Consequently, I’ve contacted an assortment of old friends and acquaintances from the many avenues of life that my five (count ‘em, five, it’s true!) decades of living have introduced me to. Most of these people remember me and the fact that I had a child born with one arm, so it’s not that crazy of a notion. It’s been so much fun to reconnect with many of them, and to catch up on their own lives and familial happenings.

One dream I had was to be able to get our story on television.  So far in his career, Tony’s been interviewed a number of times, sharing his own motivations for playing music and living life; but I also wanted to let people know that a solid, real book now exists about how things happened for us – our family - not just present day, but years ago… at the very beginning. That is a story that so many young moms and dads need to hear when they begin their own journeys of raising children that possibly face challenges – not just limb differences, but all challenges. How does all of this feel from a young parent’s perspective? How do I let people know that they’re not ‘alone out there’… that others have been there… that I’ve been there too…?

I believe that the internet has helped in this process. Addresses, phone numbers, e-mail, Facebook – it’s all much more accessible than ever before. And yet I’m not gonna lie - it’s tough to break through. I tossed my hat into a multitude of rings, with no tangible way of knowing how many other interesting and amazing hats were tossed ahead of mine. Still, I have something to say that I truly believe in - so I keep trying to find people who’ll really listen to and hear me.   

One night before bed I checked my e-mail. Imagine my excitement when I received word that our local NBC news channel, TMJ4, wanted to record a news piece for their “Positively Milwaukee” segment. Wonderful! Exciting! Oh sure, you betchya! ;)

The news anchor, Carole Meekins, and I exchanged dates and times, arranging our interview day. We established that the filming would happen at our house. With less than a week to prepare, I would soon be hosting a TMJ4 news anchor and cameraman in my living room. I had one major question: What shall I clean first???

But seriously, I tried to keep it all in perspective. Since I was relatively sure neither of my guests would be checking my closets for clutter, or my cupboards for cleanliness, I decided to concentrate on the real deal… What are my main objectives for this interview? How can I fight my own feelings of nervousness to get my point across to my community, as well as anyone else this might reach someday? What should I wear…? ;) (Not really kidding… right ladies?)

And so I did clean the house – of course I did. Having a nice, presentable area can create a sense of confidence for me. But I also did something else. I prayed. I prayed because I realized that none of this is really about me. It is and it isn’t. Yes, I lived it. Yes, Todd and I raised two great kids. Yes, we loved and disciplined our parental b*tts off ;)  But there is an entire behind-the-scenes story to tell here… a story of trusting in my Creator; a story of believing that all things will work together for the good of those who love God; a story of believing that there’s a larger purpose to what happens to me and those I love; a larger purpose to ‘’what I have to say’ than simply ‘what I have to say.’ What does God want me to say?

And so I asked Him. I asked Him to give me a good experience that day – for wisdom, confidence and ability, calmness and a clean house, and something nice to wear and … I think you get the picture. In those few moments of stillness, before the news folk got here, I believe He encouraged me to spend some time quieting down, to review my book – to re-look at and refresh myself with what I’d written, what it meant, and the manner in which I said it. And wouldn’t you know… when Carole and her cameraman (Jim) showed up, I felt pretty good!?  They were both so nice, kind, easy to chat with. I’d had nothing to fear. After all, I have the best coach in the universe.

After their visit, Carole Meekins contacted me and said that there was so much good information they’d like to split the interview into two sections – two Mondays in a row. One would focus more on Tony, and the other one more on me.  The opportunity went from one segment to two. Wow, you know? …  I’ve included the links here – just in case you haven’t seen them yet.

Part One – Aired July 1, 2013:

http://www.todaystmj4.com/features/positivelymilwaukee/213901021.html?lc=Smart

Part Two – Aired July 8, 2013:

http://www.todaystmj4.com/features/positivelymilwaukee/214673981.html

At this middle-aged time of my life, I feel like I’ve learned so many things. If you have a good idea, something that feels inspired, it probably is. Persist with the idea – no one will know about it unless you tell them. Be ready. Prepare. And Pray. One way or another, things will turn out exactly as they should.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my experience with you all. I hope that this finds each of you actively engaged in some sort of good or fun summertime experience.

And until I write again… God’s Blessings!

For more information on  Katie Kolberg Memmel, go to her website: www.katiekolbergmemmel.com

"Cheers!" to friends!

You remember the television show, “Cheers!” right? Sam, Diane, Carla, Cliffy, Nom...

(Hum along as I sing this old familiar tune. See if it jogs any memories…)

“…Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came… you want to go where people know troubles are all the same, you want to go where everybody knows your name…”

Sometimes I love this song’s concept. Sometimes I crave it. You know… the times that you walk into a place – it can be anywhere, not just a pub or bar – but a grocery store, bank, church, school, PTA meeting (although I didn’t actually attend many of those - oops…) – and people’s faces light up, you hear your name shouted, and someone waves, flags you down to sit with them… You feel welcomed, you feel loved, you know they want to talk with you, spend time with you.

But then there are the “other times” - the times you dread running into someone you know. Have you ever sung that same song, but used alternative words - maybe a little something like this? (Clears throat)

“…Sometimes you want to go where not one single person knows your name, and no one even knows you came… you want to go where people don’t know you have a trouble in the world, you want to go where nobody knows your name…”

A few weeks ago, I asked a question on my Facebook status.  “Why is it that whenever you look your absolute WORST, you run into absolutely EVERYone you know???!!!”  Answers ranged from “Oh no, what’s wrong?” to “…that’s just the way it is, some things will never change” to “Murphy’s Law dictates this to be the case.”  Good answers! For me, they’ve all rung true… especially that darn Murphy – he seems to get me every time!

Reasons for looking your worst in public, ultimately making you want to hide, can vary. Perhaps you worked all day. Maybe your boss gave you a good talking-to. Maybe you gave your boss a good talking-to. Maybe you ended up in the bathroom, angry, counting to ten, teary even. Maybe you put on your sunglasses before you left your desk so that your friends wouldn’t see your swollen, red, weepy eyes. (Note: As some of you may recall, when my daughter (“the baby”) left for college I wore my sunglasses at the grocery store for weeks.)

Here’s another possibility for looking your worst. Perhaps it was a 90-degree June Saturday and your husband decided it was an excellent time to dig a trench, or dig a hole, or dig a garden, or (fill in your own blank on the hot, sweaty yard work scenario – if you’re a homeowner, the possibilities are endless!). Or maybe it was the complete opposite… zero degrees and you just finished plowing snow and decided to ‘run to the store’ for a gallon of milk. Quick! Before the snow starts up again! The smell of snowblower gas hovers around you like a cloud – much like Charlie Brown’s friend, Pigpen. Icicles hang from the end of your nose like an abominable snow woman. And when they finally melt – well, it will look like you should blow your nose! Your winter hat has most graciously left an indented sweaty ring of curls that will not comb, will not fluff, will not tame, no matter what you try. (The Memmel’s affectionately refer to this condition as “hat hair.”) Somehow you are both freezing and sweating at the same time. How can that be, by the way?

Perhaps you’re feeling exhausted. Maybe no matter what you do, 3:30 a.m. seems to be your bewitching hour. You find yourself lying wide awake every night, calculating unpaid bills in your mind, wondering how many Wednesdays (paydays) there are in June. And no matter how you twist or finagle the math, you still come up $1,000 short – over and over till your alarm goes off.  Or maybe (still at the 3:30 hour) you think about what you “coulda”… No, “shoulda” said to so-n-so about such-n-such and privately vow to never let her or him get away with THAT type of comment EVER again! No wonder you’re dog tired by 7 a.m. So many problems, so little time.  

But then I got to thinking… Let’s just say that I’d had a disagreement at work and I was wearing my Foster Grants to hide “the windows to my soul.” (a fancy way of saying ‘eyes.’) If I ran into my friend, Linda, would she judge me, or would she be concerned? What if I actually confessed to her that I’d had a miserable day and that I didn’t know how I’d stand going back tomorrow… Would that be so bad, or would she actually understand because everybody’s got a little somethin’ to get through in their own lives every now and again?  

Or let’s say that I ran into Chris, and horror of horrors, I had an icicle dangling from my nose. Would she cross me off her friend list, never want to see me again? Or might she kindly reach into her purse, grab a tissue, and offer it to me saying, “Katie, you have an icicle dangling from your nose… were you plowing snow?”

So here’s what I’m thinking… Maybe we’re all a little bit hard on ourselves sometimes. Maybe everyone has these issues. If it’s zero degrees, then maybe it’s normal, even common, for people to have icicles attach to their faces.

Maybe the “Cheers!” song really does ring true.  “You want to go where people know troubles are all the same…” Maybe the times that we’re struggling are actually good times to get out there and experience our friends’ help.

Maybe…?  Sometimes… 

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference.” For more information on Katie and her book, go to her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com 

 

 

Getting to really know my dad - what took me so long???

 



My father… my dad… who is he, what’s he like?    

First, I should mention that as of this date, (June, 2013) my dad is 90 years old – or 90 years young - whichever way you choose to view life. Born in 1922, he is the third child (first son) in a family of ten children. To hear him speak, you know he’s worked hard and ‘seen a few things’ throughout his life: Farm hand, carpenter’s apprentice/journeyman, United States soldier in WWII (Europe), firefighter (eventual Lieutenant) for the City of Wauwatosa, Wisconsin; husband, father, gentleman, golfer extraordinaire…  

He married my mother in 1949, and became her husband for 53 years and 11 months. Although she passed away in 2003, just shy of their 54^th wedding anniversary, he says he still thinks of her every day.

Board-by-board and nail-by-nail he built the house he still lives in today. Together, in that house, my parents raised four kids (of which I’m the youngest) – two boys and two girls.  

The truth is that, years ago, I really didn’t know my dad very well – I conversed more often with my mom. In my opinion, he came off with sort of a ‘hard as nails’ persona. Even when he wasn’t angry, he addressed me by using my full name, “Kathleen Mary…” It’s funny now as I look back because I realize this is the same man who purchased corsages every Easter for my mom, sister, and me. He was ‘present and accounted for’ at almost everything I ever did or participated in, even if he had to get a substitute for work. I think that his actions prove that he cared. (shakes head – Kathleen Mary…)

Through the years I’ve seen some softening where Dad’s concerned. I believe I understand him much better now that I have grown children of my own. I think that when a child is no longer the parents’ responsibility, the parents’ life situation eases, and they become much more relaxed. I’ve seen some of these changes first-hand with my own husband. And since my dad now calls me, “Kate,” I believe I make my point.

Back in 1980 my dad seemed to like my new boyfriend, Todd Memmel, pretty much from the start (as much as dads ever like boyfriends of any kind, that is). He commented, “Todd’s not a clock-watcher. He works hard and gives the boss his money’s worth. He’s not afraid to tackle a project…”  Well, Dad definitely called that one accurately. Dr. Freud could probably have a field day on the similarities between my dad and the man I married. Both hard-working to a fault, both honest, thoughtful, both men of integrity… I now believe I ‘lucked out’ on both counts – strong dad, strong husband... or should I say ‘I am blessed’ on both counts...?   

Over the past 30-some years, my father has always been around to lend a hand. He gave Todd and me welcome advice about buying our first house, and building our second. He proved willing to swing his hammer for whatever job was in the works – from roofs to decks to cabinet-building… The men in my life LOVE and cannot resist ‘new construction’ projects!

He bonded with both of my children, supplying them with good memories and loving feelings about their grandpa. Tony even wrote a song about my dad titled, “Soldier in London, 1943” Tale of an Underdog

But I believe that my respect for my father increased the most as I watched him care for my mother during her last years of life. She grew very confused with Alzheimer’s disease and could no longer reside in their home, doctor’s orders. So Dad drove to her new home and visited with her almost every day (at least six days per week) - even if for just a little while.

“Go ahead, Dad, get out for a while, go golfing! Take a day off! It will feel good,” we’d all encourage him. Everyone who’s dealt with an illness such as this knows how rough it can be on the caregiver. Sometimes he’d go, but often he’d check back in with Mom afterwards. There seemed to be little joy in his favorite activity, without her there to go home to.

As decisions needed to be made about Mom’s care and health issues, he took it step by step, day by day. Just as in other aspects of his life, as in everything he ever did, he worked hard, thought things through, gave the situation his all, and was faithful to the very end…

As time went on, it appeared that his relationship with God deepened. He often reflected, “Kate, I don’t know how people get through life if they don’t have any faith…”

I shook my head, and had to agree with him there. “I don’t know Dad, I don’t know…”  

Through the two and a half years that our family sat in a circle, conversing in my mother’s nursing home with whomever was present that particular day, something beautiful happened. I really got to know my dad. I witnessed first-hand the type of man he is. And I liked what I saw.

Is he flawed? Has he made mistakes? Yes…

But if you are reading this, wondering if good men still exist, I can honestly tell you that they do. Some of them have lived hard lives of work, and have calloused hands to prove it. Some have served their country in lands, foreign and domestic. Some have built their loved ones homes, from the ground up. Some have nurtured their families, taken their parenting jobs seriously, and come out the other side, with smiles on their faces. They walk their daughters down church aisles and end up helping their sons-in-law build houses for the next generation. Some men have loved deeply and laughed heartily, and grieved more than anyone will ever know, for the loves they still miss every single day.

And some men (my own dad) has done, and continues to do, all of these things.

Dad, I feel so blessed to have you in my life.

Have a blessed and happy Father’s Day!

“Kate”  <3  

 

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of the book, “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference. It is available through Amazon as both a Kindle download and as a paperback.

Summer Days of the Free Birds

What a fun time of year! Spring has definitely sprung in our neck of the woods. The grass is growing like a weed – well, you know what I mean… I’ve cut it at least three or four times already! The temperatures are hovering around 80 degrees (although last weekend was 50 - it is Wisconsin, after all…) It’s been fun on Facebook lately with people posting pictures of their kids’ last school band and choir concerts, their end-of-the-year field trip photos, their children’s pending graduation plans… All of these signs point toward one thing – the end of the school year is nearing and summer vacation is about to kick off!

I ask you with all seriousness – where in the world do the years go? I suppose that the mere fact that I’m asking the question points to the obvious - I’m getting old. Certainly, when you’re going through the daily ups and downs of child rearing and raising you know exactly where the year is and the speed at which it’s moving. But since I’m no longer participating in the daily tutelage of youngsters, I’ve begun to marvel at exactly how quickly the clock moves forward.

So as I reflect back, I can’t help but smile when I think about some “last day of school” occasions of our own. Of course my kids began their final countdowns on May1st. “Only six weeks of school left, but not counting weekends or Memorial Day, that only leaves…” and they calculated the precise amount of days remaining until the very last day. There was always such an energy that surrounded this time of the year.

In the late 90’s when my own two kids (Megan and Tony) were about 8 and 11, 9 and 12, etc. we had some great times. I owned an older model LeBaron convertible – a robin’s egg blue color body, with a black top. As the final bell rang at 3:25, I’d pick them up, load all of their “stuff” from the school year into the trunk, and we’d drive around with the car top down. “Can I interest anyone in an ice-cream cone to celebrate?” I’d ask, knowing full well I’d have two takers for ice-cream in no time. And just like the old Lynyrd Skynyrd tune, I’d tell the kids we were now “Free Birds,” ready to enjoy the summer any way we chose.

Back then I had a small side business. I finished my jobs early in the day so that I could often clear the afternoons for fun. We put a lot of miles on that old car. I purchased passes for the local pool and frequently took them swimming; we picnicked with friends and swam at beaches; we saw movies (The Sand Lot, Rocket Man); went to Summerfest (during the day because nights got kinda adult crazy); signed them up for baseball and cheered at most of their games… It was the time before they worked part-time jobs and before they had significant others… “Old days, good times I remember. Fun days, filled with simple pleasures…” (Song by ‘Chicago’) I’m not going to lie – by the time late August rolled around, I usually felt ready for school to begin, but by then we’d shared lots of fun summertime adventures.

Of course part-time jobs did start – in fact, Todd and I insisted on it as a part of life. And ‘significant others’ did join the mix – in fact, it’s normal and right for that too. Sometimes we included the others in on our family time, sometimes we did things alone; but those pure summer days of the Free Birds became fewer and farther between.

And I think that’s okay. Each stage of life has had its time and place. As I mentioned in my book (Five Fingers, Ten Toes) there were days as a young mother that I actually wished my time away. I’m not particularly proud of myself for that admission, but it is true. Then there were years, like I described earlier, that were full of fun. The kids were at delightful ages, full of good conversations and lots of laughs.

Eventually they grew up and went off to college and got married – and all of that was normal - right.

Now Todd and I are boaters, and we try to get away on our boat a few times every summer. We enjoy good food, a cocktail (or two) from time to time, and adult conversations that don’t revolve around baseball or swimming (as fun as those topics were!).

Do I miss ‘the good old days?’ Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. These days I’m actually trying to concentrate on living a bit more in the here and now…

But if I dare to dream about the future – well - who even KNOWS how we might be spending our summers down the road???  (Or with WHOM for that matter???  I better just focus on takin’ it day by day for now.)

But I’ll say this - I do hope that when Megan and Tony think back to their childhood, that they fondly remember me and the summers we spent as “Free Birds.”

Katie Kolberg Memmel is the author of the book, “Five Fingers, Ten Toes – A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child Born With a Limb Difference.” For more information, go to her website at www.katiekolbergmemmel.com