What creates a bond???

Back in 2002, I was hired as the new "Small Groups Director" at my church, Ascension Lutheran  in Waukesha, Wis. Shortly after receiving the exciting news that they wanted me for the job, I found myself learning, growing, and brainstorming for ideas of how to start brand new and interesting small groups within the church. As I sat across the desk from my very wise and sage pastor/mentor, Pastor Frank, I offered up a heart-felt suggestion...

Me: (clears throat) Pastor, how about starting a group for people who are retired?

Him: (a pause... a slight nod... and then...) Kate, my dear child... (JUST KIDDING! He never said 'my dear child...' I added this for dramatic emphasis - to make him seem even wiser and sage-lier (is that a word? If it wasn't, I say it is now) )  Allow me to begin again. "Kate," he said... and then he went on to advise me that although that was a fine idea, and we certainly could start a group for retired people - maybe even WOULD start that group, an even better plan might be to offer group ideas centering around people's common interests, regardless of their ages or statuses.

I gave his words much thought and the conversation took shape, his advice proving to be solid (of course, it always is.). Many groups have sprung up at Ascension, all centering around their main common goal (the love of God) while participants also focus on their human common interests: reading, biking, parenting, crafts of many kinds, Bible studies, and the list goes on.

Fast forward to yesterday. Though we're still on winter break from our Creative Writing class through WCTC, some members of our class decided to meet for lunch. Six of us, all women, converged on the Panera Bread in Delafield, Wis. Our ages ranged from one in her mid-thirties, to ... well, I'm not really sure ... Suffice to say a couple of decades. With some of us in long-term marriages, and some divorced, one with young children, and a couple in vacated nests, some with grandchildren (newborn to college graduates), our perspectives were broad. I could tell that we disagree on some pretty major life topics ('ye old religion & politics bit) ... but you know what? The lunch was so much fun!!!

What bonds people together? Well, sometimes it is the huge topics like religion and politics! Sometimes 'age' does bond people for whatever reason. Sometimes it is the fact that we're married or divorced. Sometimes it's having children, or the complete opposite - having none - that makes people feel tight. But in this case, in our class's case, it's the 'love of writing.'

Without saying too much, without betraying any class confidences, I can honestly say from my own perspective, when we (as writers, whether old or new) sit around the writing/sharing table and pass out our week's writing... when we have enough faith in each other's opinions and honesty to share our poetry (whether light-hearted or devastating), our children's stories (whether obvious or deep), fiction stories (womens' fiction, adventure, romance or fantasy), or our own non-fiction life stories (a mother's story of raising a child born with a limb difference), we're taking a huge gamble. What if this week's writing isn't any good? What if I think it's funny, but nobody laughs? What if my thoughts aren't as well-accepted as I think they will be? What if... what if... what if...???

What if I'm reading my deepest heart-felt work and my voice cracks and I can't even finish...? I separated this thought from the italicized 'rest' because this wasn't just a fear, or a thought I had. As I wrote my book, "Five Fingers, Ten Toes..." I did take some of my most heart-felt work to this group, and my voice DID crack. I couldn't even finish... And do you know what happened? The woman next to me began to read FOR me - she found my voice when I couldn't finish. I felt silly - ridiculous - horrified with myself that I'd let my tears out in class that day. But you know what? I don't think that one of them felt I was silly or ridiculous or felt horrified that I'd let my emotions show. On the contrary... I think that regardless of my life's circumstances, they knew I was being genuine... and our bond deepened on that day. Writing had brought us together, compassion deepened our friendship.

So was my pastor right? I think so. When we take a chance, when we explore our interests, when we put ourselves out there whether we're discussing our reading, or biking on trails, or studying the Bible, or writing what's in our hearts and minds... others in our group are doing the same. And when we open up a little (whether planned or completely unexpected) and let others see who we are, sometimes we discover that we're not all that bad or 'abnormal' after all.  In fact, it's possible that those experiences help us grow and maybe even become better people.

Who knows!? We might actually have something worth saying after all.

Have wonderful Thursdays!  (oh, and PS: Now that I know myself (and my waterworks potential) so well, sometimes now - for the class - I stick to comedy)

Katie